The Unexpected
by ilyawh
Summary: AU. RT. SS implied. "Nice seeing you again, Taylor" he said and took her hand in his. And that is when she felt it. A jolt of electricity running through her entire body. Her eyes shot wide and she looked at him in surprise.
1. Chapter 1

Taylor Townsend was 25 years old and had a good life. She had graduated high school top of her class, graduated Berkeley college top of her class and went on to have a brilliant career as an economist. She always knew she'd be the best at everything, and she was. She just wasn't so good at having friends.

While in highschool she was a geek. People respected her but never befriended her. The truth was that she hadn't done much to earn their friendship because she never thought she'd get it anyway.

She had had a phase in her senior year when she had a crush on Seth Cohen, a guy that was simmilarly geeky. After the crush went away and she realized that it was just a way for her to discover people that are like herself (too much like herself – so much it would have probably been boring had they gotten together) she tried being friends with him and his girlfriend, the not so geeky Summer Roberts. Unfortunately they were already part of a group, a two couples group, joined in by Seth's adoptive brother, Ryan and his girlfriend, Marissa, Ryan's girlfriend. Taylor tried but realized she was a fifth wheel. Seth and Summer tried to welcome her in and were nice to her while Ryan and Marissa completely ignored her. In the end she decided it wasn't worth the effort.

She went to Berkeley to college, ironically with Ryan and Marissa, but she might as well not known them. They continued to ignore them and after trying to say hi a couple of times and failing miserably, she started ignoring them too. Seth told her they broke up but she noticed nothing on campus. She kept contact with Seth and Summer, mainly through e-mails and instant messaging but that was about all the contact she had with the group she once tried to be a part of.

Until...

She couldn't believe it when she saw the architect's name on the piece of paper. And when she went to meet him and saw his surprised face she couldn't help but giggle.

„Hi, Ryan."

„Taylor."

„Fancy meeting you here, in these circumstances. I didn't even know you were an architect."

„I am. What are you doing here?"

„Well, my boss told me to take his place in this meeting. I usually don't deal hands on with constructions – I mainly deal with the marketing side of the business – but he simply could not make it. How is the building?"

„Nearly ready. There won't be much need for me anymore. In fact, my assistant will take it from me starting tomorrow. I'm going back home."

„To Newport?"

„Yeah."

„I haven't been to Newport in ages."

„I know. Why not?"

„I don't know... I guess I haven't had a reason to."

„Your mother is still there if I am not mistaken."

„I don't know if you know this, Ryan, but me and my mother are not exactly close."

Ryan did not reply. Taylor felt an awkward silence coming so she filled it:

„So, are you going to show me this building or what?"

Ryan showed her around, filling her with all sorts of technical details that she didn't understand but wrote down carefully for her boss who was more of an expert in the field than she was. She noticed how he used very few words and only went straight to the point. She remembered him from highschool and from the very few times she went out with the „core four" – he wasn't a guy of too many words. There were times when she'd wondered about him (she always wondered about the things that she didn't know much about). And now the questions and her curiousity hit her again. She didn't say anything, but tried to notice the way he moved and the way he talked, in hope of some things.

He hadn't changed much since highschool. His moves didn't show much and his words didn't say much. Just technical details.

„So, what do you think?" he asked her at the end.

She was ashamed to admit she didn't know anything of what he had told her.

„It sounds good. I will present this to my boss and he will contact you if he has any problem. I believe he has your number, right?"

„Right."

She checked her watch.

„OK, I have to go, I have to finish a report today. It was nice seeing you again, Ryan" she said and lifted her hand for a handshake – the way she did at the end of every business meeting she had. He smiled:

„Nice seeing you again, Taylor" he said and took her hand in his.

And that is when she felt it. A jolt of electricity running through her entire body. Her eyes shot wide and she looked at him in surprise. The look on his face told her he felt it too.

Her phone rang. She bit her lip and tore away her hand from his with great effort.

„Hello, Taylor Townsend here."

„Hey Taylor, how did your meeting with Ryan go?"

„Uh... very well... We were just saying our goodbyes and I was coming to the office. How did your meeting go?"

„Perfect. We got the deal."

„That's great!"

„Come here. We have to report to finish and then we have that offer to make."

„Sure thing. I'm on my way."

She lifted her eyes to meet him. He just stood there with an odd look on his face. He must have been as confused as she was.

„Well..."

„Well..."

„I have to go. That was my boss. He always finds more ways to get more contracts and then hands them all to me because he likes to show me that he can give me more work when I feel I have nothing to do. Which is, like, never. But he still gives me more work."

„Yeah, bosses can be like that." He said with a half smile.

„Yeah."

„Yeah"

„Right"

„Right" 

„I'll... uh... see you around. Whenever I go to Newport. Which probably won't be very soon. Cause... you know... just... Yeah."

„Yeah."

It was turning really weird.

„Okay. I gotta go now. See you."

„Yeah."

She turned around and left without looking back, fearing that if she did, she wouldn't have the power to go further.

As she walked she started thinking about her and Ryan throughout the years. Tried to remember if they ever touched. Casually, of course. She couldn't remember a time when they touched. What was that that just happened there?

She got in the car and drove to work. What the hell was that?

She hadn't talked to Ryan much over the years. The only time she could remember was when she wanted to find out more about Seth, cause she had a crush on him. Most of the other times it was just one liners. Pointless. She envied the core four from afar but she never actually felt the need to get close to Ryan or Marissa. It was always Seth and Summer that she was going for.

But what the hell was that?


	2. Chapter 2

6 months later…

Veronica Townsend had never been a model mum. Taylor had gotten used to it by junior high and had stopped expecting her to be. But the wedding invitation was completely unexpected. It came through mail with no previous notification. Taylor had no idea who the guy was, the name did not sound familiar. And she mentally put the event as a new low in their very low mother-daughter relationship.

She initially ignored the invitation and decided not to go. She was not going to mix with the Newport people again. She had left Newport for a reason and she wasn't going to just ignore that. Her mother would probably not even notice she wasn't there. It was her fifth wedding and Taylor was starting to believe that weddings were just an excuse for her mother to have a party.

Two days before the wedding she had to accompany her boss to visit the new building – their new headquarters. And as she entered it and admired its elegant beauty she remembered it was designed by Ryan. And then she remembered the spark. Her stomach tied up in knots and she felt a weird sensation.

Ryan was in Newport. And for some reason that made Newport look much better.

She was very busy in her work and hardly had time to think. But late at night as she was waiting for sleep to hit her, she always remembered that moment. Sometimes, when she wasn't too tired, her thoughts would drift off to highschool and she'd remember things she never thought she knew. Things she never thought mattered.

She remembered when Ryan first entered the class. The teacher introduced him – with a very awkward tone that she still remembered – and he just sat there and said nothing. He looked strange, he looked different. He sat in the back of the class and took notes carefully. She remembered wondering about him, who he was, what he was doing there. Her mother never mentioned the Atwoods and that meant they weren't socially important in Newport.

She remembered seeing him around the highschool campus with Marissa. She'd sometimes wondered what kind of couple they were – he never actually struck her as being in love. Not the way she imagined people who were in love looked. Seth looked like he was in love. Summer was in love. Ryan… he just was.

That was the thing with Ryan. He always was. Always there, in the background, a constant presence throughout her last three years of highschool. Always there, but never really into her attention. Until now.

The night after she visited the building she twisted and turned.

That night she made the decision to go to her mother's wedding.

---

Back in Newport. She couldn't believe she was back in the town she so loathed. Where people made fun of her. Where she had nothing.

Chasing a spark… Chasing the one moment in her life when reason flew out the window and she actually _felt _something.

She called Summer.

"Hey, Sum!"

"Taylor! How's it going, girl?

"I'm fine. I'm… uh… back in Newport."

"You're in town?! Wow! I haven't seen you in years! What brings you by?"

"My mother's getting married… again."

"Oh yeah, my father mentioned something. Congratulations!"

"Before you say you're happy for me, may I please specify that I don't know the guy and I never even knew they were dating before I got the invitation?"

"Oh." Summer said. "But it doesn't matter. I'm glad you're back. We gotta see each other and catch up!"

"Sure. See you at the diner in an hour?"

"You betcha!"

---

"So whatcha doing, girl? It feels like ages ago since I last saw you but, boy, you haven't changed a bit!"

Taylor smiled:

"You haven't changed a bit either, Summer! I'm so happy to see you!"

The girls hugged and then sat down.

"Wow, I can't believe you're here. I mean, I got your mother's invitation a couple of weeks ago – we all did – but it's like I never made the connection. Your mother and you… you're like so apart…!"

"Yeah, I didn't want to come at first but then I had a few days off anyway so I thought, what the hell?"

"I'm glad you decided to come. That way I think we'll go to the wedding after all. If we can still find the invitation, that is."

"You and Seth?" Taylor hoped that Summer didn't feel there was a hidden purpose behind that question.

"Yeah, who else?" Summer smiled and Taylor forced a smile herself:

"So, how is Seth?"

"Seth is good, we're still going strong. He's having lunch with Ryan now but he promised he'd come here straight after that."

Taylor felt her heart flutter. Ryan was again there. In the background. Only this time she was more aware of it.

"How's Ryan doing?" She asked on what she hoped was a neutral term. And then she added rather forcibly: "And Marissa?"

"Well, Ryan and Marissa broke up ages ago. I don't know if you knew that."

"You mentioned it…"

"Yeah, they just weren't working, I guess. I felt bad at the beginning because it truly felt like our group was breaking up with them, but they learnt how to be friends and we're still the core four. Marissa left with her dad on a trip around the world and she seems very happy about it. Ryan is around, he's an architect now and works as a freelancer. He's really good."

'I know' Taylor couldn't help thinking.

"He's good. A bit of a loner, but then he always was that."

"Yeah."

"Speak of the devil… here are the guys!"

Taylor didn't even have time to think as she turned around and saw Ryan and Seth heading towards their table. She felt herself melt. He was looking straight into her eyes and she couldn't get herself to look anywhere else.

"Heya, girls!" Seth sat next to Summer and kissed her. Taylor tore her eyes away from Ryan only to notice him sit next to her as if it was the most normal thing in the world. She started staring obsessively at the ashtray in the center of table, wondering when she had turned back to highschool girl mode.

Actually, no, this was worse. As a highschool girl she had had the guts to go after Seth Cohen. As a grown up woman she couldn't even dare to look at Ryan Atwood.

"So, how's it going, Taylor?" Seth said cheerfully. "Welcome back to the dark side."

"Thank you, Seth" Taylor said, still staring at the ashtray. She couldn't help feeling Ryan's scent and she couldn't help feeling his presence at her side. She suddenly turned her head up and looked straight to Seth:

"I'm great, I just came to see my mother for the fifth time, cause there's nothing better than receiving an invitation through mail saying that your mother's getting married, again, to some guy you never even heard of. Oh, and since I'm not a bridesmaid and my mother hasn't even called to confirm my presence here, I'm not sure where I stand in this wedding. But, you know me, family above all…" She said in a breath.

She could tell she was turning into weird Taylor again and she could see Seth and Summer eyeing her strangely. She felt her cheeks getting hot and she guessed she was redder and redder by the second. Ryan was still _there_. Saying nothing. Doing nothing. And yet _there_. She could almost feel his breath.

"Right." Seth said. "I'm glad you're doing great."

"You know, everyone in Newport got an invitation. I already said we might go, now I know we must go to the wedding. You know, for moral support." Summer said.

"I could go too…" Ryan said. She could feel him looking at her and she felt like she was seconds away from hyperventilating.

"Yeah… guys… I mean… I don't know anyone in Newport anymore. Feel free to… you know… crash my mother's wedding. I mean, I'm sure the guy she's marrying is filthy rich so she won't even register it on her radar or anything. But, yeah, it would be great if you guys could come."

She finally found the strength to look at him. He was still staring at her and she couldn't help wondering how she'd never noticed him. He was drop dead gorgeous.

"Great. We'll be there." Ryan said.

"Great."

Taylor welcomed her phone's ring. She really needed the distraction.

"Hello."

"Taylor!"

"Mum!"

"Christina just saw you in town! Are you here?"

"Yes, I'm at the diner, with Summer and Seth…" she paused and said in a weaker voice: "…and Ryan."

"Great! So I assume you're coming at my wedding."

"Yes. We all are."

"Great! You can't imagine how happy I am."

'No, I can't.'

"I'm happy you're happy, mum."

"I can't wait for you to meet Greg. Want to come for lunch? Or you already ate?"

She hadn't even ordered. But she felt like she needed to gain her control and she couldn't do that there. Not with him _there_.

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

"Great! We're here."

She shut her phone and looked at Summer:

"I'm sorry to cut this short but you know my mum, she can't take no for an answer. At least that way I can make sure I have a place to stay at the wedding, you know and not just sit there and watch as my mother ignores me for the nth time in my life."

Everyone was just staring her.

"Right. I have to go. I'll see you all at the morning tomorrow night."

"Will you be stuck with your mother till tomorrow?" Ryan said. "I thought you two weren't close."

"We're not."

"Good. Then she wouldn't mind if you came over for a nice Cohen dinner tonight."

"Yeah, that's a great idea, Ryan." Seth said. "It's Saturday. It's traditional Cohen dinner night."

"I wouldn't want to intrude on your family night."

"You would not intrude."

"Yes I would. I just… I really have to go."

Taylor got up and left. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights.


	3. Chapter 3

A nice walk on the beach in the morning was good for her to clear her thoughts.

‚I have to stay calm. I must not freak out like a stupid teenager whenever I see... him. Get yourself together, Taylor. You are a grown up woman and you will behave like one. You will look stunning tonight and you will take his breath away. And then...'

„Taylor."

All her thoughts flew out the window.

„Ryan!"

He was running on the beach. Dressed in black, sweaty and... dear god, sexy.

„You didn't come last night."

„I told you I wouldn't."

„Why?"

He was breathing heavily and walking backwards in front of her. His whole presence was overwhelming. Taylor fought hard for her self control.

„Look, Ryan. I have never been truly part of your group. I tried, but it just didn't work. I hardly know the Cohens. I couldn't have just barged in..."

„Yes you could have."

„Ryan." She looked at him pleadingly. „Please." She bit her lip. „I... this is all so new... and I..." She looked at the ground. „...I don't know what to do."

She hadn't realized he stopped and bumped right into him. The electric jolt was there again.

They just stood there, on the beach. Looking at each other. He bit his lips and she thought it was the sexiest thing she'd ever seen.

She felt like hours passed until he spoke next:

„Do you want me to come tonight?"

„Yes." As scary as it felt, being around him, she couldn't help wanting it.

He smiled.

„OK. See you there."

He patted her arm and continued his run. Taylor stood and watched him until he disappeared out of her line of sight.

He understood. And for the first time she realized she _liked _Ryan Atwood. Not just the heavy attraction she felt for him that she had put down to hormones and the amazing works of human chemistry. Him.

That made everything much more complicated.

---

Taylor was late to her mother's wedding. She stood in front of her mirror for hours, changing her clothes constantly. She wanted to look her best but somehow all the clothes she thought looked good on her (clothes that she used whenever going to an office party, charming her bosses and clients) were not good enough anymore.

In the end she settled for a red dress that she admitted to bring out all her curves and hide all her (very small and insignificant) physical faults. But she still wanted more and she joined the party strongly unsatisfied about her looks.

„Taylor, there you are!" Summer came out of nowhere. „I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?"

„I just got in."

„But you missed the ceremony. And the beginning of the party."

„Somehow, I don't think my mother even noticed, let alone mind."

„OK, we need to talk. Come with me."

„Where are we going?"

„I don't know, somewhere private to talk." Summer dragged Taylor through the party until they found a more isolated spot.

„What's going on?" Taylor asked.

„I could ask you the same thing, Taylor. You've been acting extremely weird since you got here. Not that you haven't always been weird, but this is truly a new level. Are you disturbed by your mother's wedding in any way?"

„What? No. She can marry whomever she wants, fine by me."

„What's with all these remarks on how your mother doesn't care about you?"

„But she doesn't! And I've always talked this!"

„You seem bothered by something."

Taylor bit her lips a few times.

„Summer..."

„Yes?"

„How did you realize you liked Seth?"

„Sorry? Are you going after Seth again?"

„What?! No! I would never do that to you! And... no! That was... a mistake. So, no. But... please answer. I mean... you and Seth were in the same class for years and although I think it was pretty obvious that he liked you, you pretty much ignored him. And then – bam! You got together..."

„I don't know, Taylor. I ignored him for years because he was simply different from anyone. He never talked to people, he just stood there in his corner, doing whatever he had to do and... I never knew what to say to him. After a while, I suppose it was easy to do what everyone else did and just assume he's a loser and I didn't talk to him because I didn't want to."

„What changed that?"

„We went to his grandfather's party together. I went there to meet rich guys which... well, was not nice of me. And at some point, I don't know, he caught my act and somehow we got from that to him reciting my poem about mermaids, the one I read in class in the fifth grade..."

„That was not your poem." Taylor giggled.

„I know, you wrote it. But still. I don't know. It just touched me that he'd remembered it for so long and I kissed him. And when I did, I felt..."

„Sparks?"

„Yes! It just felt like... I don't know, it was confusing. For a long time I denied it, but that's when I started liking him. We hadn't had the chance to have sparks before, cause we never interacted. But when we did..."

„...it hit you."

„Yes. He still is the only man who can fire me up like that."

Taylor smiled happilly:

„And now you have been together for so long, I've lost count. Still going strong... Life! Such a journey!"

Summer eyed her curiously.

„Why the sudden interest in me and Cohen?"

„Well... Because... I kinda felt that too..."

„What?"

„The sparks." Seeing the look on Summer's face she added quickly: „Not with Seth. With someone... someone that I knew for years but never really _knew_ if you know what I mean."

„A-ha..."

„It was just a second. And then... I just can't stop thinking about it. It's like he's haunting me. And I do whatever I can to be near him as much as possible but then when I am, I wanna run like hell. And I start acting like a highschool girl, lost and shy and wearing braces and ugly and not nearly good enough and I keep wondering how he can be so cool while I'm hyperventilating and then I get mad at him for being able to keep his cool and at the same time I really wanna kiss him and just... I don't know... UGH!" Taylor shouted in frustration.

„Uh... wow."

„Yeah. I'm so gone."

„Yeah."

„Yeah."

Pause.

„And you know, the funny thing is, he's not a dork. I've always gone for dorks, for some reason, I always liked dorks. But he's not a dork, he's a hot guy, he's attractive and cool and the guy who's not popular because he doesn't want to be but who could be if he just talked to the right people. And he's really not my type and it's so annoying!"

„Taylor?"

„Yeah?"

„Have you ever felt sparks with... one of the dorks?"

„No."

„Well, see?"

„What?"

„He IS your type! He is the type that gives you the sparks. Those dorks that you always went for didn't. So they weren't."

Taylor looked at Summer, confused.

„See, Taylor, I wouldn't have thought Seth to be my type either when I kissed him. I always went for one of those hot guys in school. But those guys never made me feel like that. I went for them because I thought they were cool and I wanted to be popular. You probably went for dorks because, well, no offense, but you were a dork and you probably felt that you'd fit in better with a dork. But apparently life is trying to show you that it's not true. You're meant to be with a really hot guy."

„Wow. I never thought of it like that."

„See? That's what I'm here for! To provide sage advice."

„Thank you, Summer. It all makes sense now."

„So what are you going to do?"

„About him, I don't know. But I think I should stop hiding and go mingle a little. You know... embrace life."

„You do that. I'll go find Cohen, he owes me a dance or two."

„Thank you, Summer."

„I'm glad I could help you. Now, go mingle!"

---

She felt him before she saw him. He was at the bar, drinking a beer. He was looking at her. She stopped short for a second, suddenly with a heavy breath and strong heartbeat. He started coming towards her and she stood there waiting.

„Would you like to dance?"

Taylor just nodded and they started dancing slowly. He kept his distance to the decent level and she wished he'd come closer but she figured that after their talk on the beach he probably didn't want to be too daring. She blushed thinking about that and she smiled thinking that she had never thought of him as the considerate type. Talk about sterotype judgement. She then remembered he was there and saw that he was watching her and blushed some more, thinking that she acted like a mad woman. He smiled and she noticed he had an amazing smile.

She didn't know how many dances they shared. They just kept on dancing slowly, no matter what music, sometimes even inbetween dances. Never saying anything, just dancing.

At some point she started feeling self aware and wondering if anyone noticed her endless dances with Ryan. And that's when she saw Summer, dancing with Seth, eyeing them. And she knew that Summer had put 2 and 2 together.


	4. Chapter 4

Taylor had to leave Newport. She had to go to work. And yet she didn't really want to. She needed some sort of closure. The night before Veronica Townsend, in her own insensitive and totally blind to anyone but her way had interrupted her string of dances with Ryan. She hadn't even managed to say good bye. Nothing. A string of dances and no words.

He had felt the spark, she knew that. He was trying to get close to her, she knew that too. He had never been that way around her. He had always been polite but never really paying attention to her. So his attitude definitely changed after the "incident". But Taylor had no idea how far he wanted to go. She had no idea where he wanted to go. Maybe the spark was just an amazing attraction between the two unlikeliest people in the world. Maybe opposites do attract. But is it pure attraction or is it something else? All Taylor knew was that she wanted to see him once more before going back to LA. She couldn't just leave like that.

The thought of a new encounter with Ryan scared her just as much as it pleased her. She couldn't think of anything to say to him.

'Hey Ryan, you know, I noticed we're kinda attracted to each other lately. What are we gonna do about it?'

That pretty much summed up what she wanted to say. Of course, it didn't work like that.

Unfortunately Taylor was not very good at games. She always went straight to the point when she wanted something. That was probably one of the reasons she hadn't had many boyfriends - just irrelevant relationships. Because she went straight to the point everyone just assumed she wanted to have sex. She didn't know how to play the games of the early relationships. It hadn't mattered to her for a very long time because the truth was that she got bored pretty easily of everyone she went out with. But for some reason, she wanted Ryan to _like_ her, instead of just _wanting _her.

But did she deserve to be liked?

By Ryan, most of all. He had dated the highschool's most beautiful student. Why would he then go for the dork? For her? Taylor knew she wasn't an ugly dork, but a dork was a dork. And she was one.

"Ugh!" she shouted in frustration and tried to ignore the taxi driver's weird looks. 'I'm a weirdo, get used to it.' Taylor mentally screamed at the driver.

She had managed to plan her stop at the Cohens just short enough to not get too weird. She had 45 minutes to get to the train station.

She felt her hand trembling as she was reaching for the doorbell so she took a minute to breathe in. Once she rang she wished she didn't but then was glad she did. She couldn't avoid it anymore. She was going to see Ryan.

"Taylor!" Kirsten's surprised face welcomed her.

"Hello, mrs. Cohen. I hope I'm not intruding."

"No, of course not. Is everything OK?"

"Yes, of course it is. I'm leaving for LA in 45 minutes and I just wanted to say good bye to everyone."

"Unfortunately, it's just me here. Sandy had to leave for office earlier today cause he has an important case and Sophie left for school twenty minutes ago."

Sophie? Who was Sophie? Then she remembered Seth had a younger sister she had never met. God, things had changed.

"What about Seth? And..." her voice trembled: "Ryan?"

She thought she caught a flicker of something in Kirsten's eyes. Had Kirsten been at the wedding the night before? She couldn't even remember.

"Oh dear, you really haven't been around much lately, have you? Unfortunately the boys have grown and left home. Ryan lives in a rented place near the mall and Seth has moved in with Summer ages ago!"

Taylor mentally slapped herself and pulled her hair out. Of course they moved out! They were 25! ARGH!

"Oh. You're right. I haven't been around much."

"Would you like to sit down a little?"

"No, I have to go catch my train." She forced a smile. "Have a nice day, mrs. Cohen."

"You too, dear."

---

At first she didn't want to answer the phone. She was too depressed to talk to anyone. But then she noticed it was Summer. Maybe Summer would help.

"Hello."

"Hey, Taylor, how's it going?"

"Going home. On the train. I have to get to work in an hour or so."

"Anything you'd like to tell me?"

Taylor paused a little and then decided to play dumb.

"What do you mean?"

"Girl, don't you even try to deny it. In all my life I've seen Ryan dance twice and then... this! Can you tell me how the hell he suddenly became the most avid dancer at the party?"

"I don't know, I suppose he felt like dancing..."

"Taylor. Don't give me that crap. Ryan IS a hot guy who's not popular because he doesn't want to not because he can't. He IS the guy that keeps his cool when everyone around him freaks out. I'm not dumb, ok? When did you feel the sparks?"

"Six months ago."

"What? How?"

"He was designing our new headquarters and we met casually and I shook his hand and... I don't know, I just felt it. I just... I don't know where it came from. I mean, I've known him for too long for this to happen now! We ignored each other for our entire lifetime and we were good at it!"

"Taylor, I believe I have explained you last night that sometimes things happen and I think I'm a good example on how you simply cannot ignore something like that."

"Yes, you did... just that... I'm so confused..."

"What would you like to do?"

"I'd like to talk to him. I'd like to get to know him. But then when he's around I'm just... a total idiot!"

She could hear Summer laugh and bit her lips in frustration.

"Summer..."

"Sorry."

Taylor sighed.

"Look. Last night I very cleverly interogated Seth since he's the only one who knows anything on Ryan..."

"Yes..?" Taylor stopped breathing in anticipation.

"Apparently the other day when we were at the diner and Ryan found out I was lunching with you, he decided he and Seth could have lunch with us. Seth of course saw nothing to it, but considerring the fact that Ryan has rarely manifested a desire to dine with me, I think you can read between the the lines by yourself."

Taylor couldn't help but grin.

"Also, I remember Ryan offering to come to the wedding and I believe he was the one who invited you to dance, right?"

"Right." Taylor grinned some more.

"So the signs are good."

"Yes. But..."

"But what?'

"What about Marissa?"

"What about her?"

"She and Ryan..."

"Taylor, Ryan and Marissa have been broken up for five years now. They both had other relationships and I think I can safely say they got over each other. Marissa is not a problem."

"But I'm in LA and he's..."

"...in Newport, which is really not that far."

"But what am I supposed to do?"

"Leave it to me, girl."

"Summer..."

"Trust me. Have a nice day!"

Summer shut her phone without waiting for Taylor to say good bye. Taylor sat back on her chair and tried to calm herself down, but all she could do was listen to her heart beating from both happiness and nervousness.


	5. Chapter 5

A week later...

Taylor's phone rang out of the blue, almost scaring her as she was making some calculations for work. She looked at the Caller ID and didn't recognize the number so she decided not to answer.

But the phone kept calling.

"OK already" she replied and picked up the phone aggressively: "Yeah!"

"Uh... Taylor?"

The world simply stopped.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah. That's me."

Wow.

"Uh... how did you get my number?"

"Summer gave it to me."

Summer. Of course.

Wait a second, had Ryan asked Summer for her number? Taylor bit her lips to prevent the formation of a goofy grin.

"Listen, I'm in LA, I'm having a meeting with a client and Summer told me she has something she wants to give you so she gave it to me."

Ah. He hadn't asked Summer for her number.

"Taylor? Are you still there?"

"Yes. Sorry. I'm... uh... what is it?"

"I don't know, it's carefully wrapped and Summer asked me not to open it. And you know Summer, I wouldn't dream of angering her."

Taylor smiled.

"Yeah, well, OK, where are you?"

"I'm on my way to meet my client but after that I'm free. Wanna meet up for lunch?"

'YES! YES! YES!"

"Uh... yeah, sure... What time?"

"Well I should be done around two..."

"Cool, I'll see you at two at... where exactly?"

"You know this pizza place called 'George's'? I think it's right around the corner for you."

"Yeah, I'll be there at two."

"Cool, see you then."

'There goes my concentration' Taylor thought checking out the clock. Oh God, three more hours to go!

---

She could feel her feet melting as she entered the restaurant.

'Oh great, I'm going to make a total fool of myself. Again.'

He was already there and he smiled as he saw her coming. Taylor gave back a nervous smile and internly blushed as she saw him stand up to welcome her.

"Hey Taylor. How's it going?"

He lifted his hand as if to give her a handshake but then seemed to change his mind as he withdrew it.

"Pretty good. You know me. Work work work."

"Yeah, me too."

They sat down.

"So, how's everyone? Summer? Seth?"

"Pretty good. I think Seth wants to propose."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah, that would be great if he actually did it. But so far all he does is talk about it."

"Has he chosen a ring?"

"He tried. And he failed."

Taylor laughed imagining Seth's frustration.

"So how is your building? Still holding up?"

"Yeah, still. Who would've thought?" She said flirtatiously as she casually drifted through the menu. She noticed him smirking and she congratulated herself for being able to speak to him without babbling.

---

"So where is that mysterious gift you brought me? I'm dying of curiousity!"

"It's in my car. Let me pay and we'll go see it."

"Wait, let me pay for my pizza."

"No, don't worry, my treat." He said and left to search for the waiter. Taylor smiled to herself. Almost a date! And she hadn't even babbled all that much.

They reached the car and Ryan searched through the trunk among a mass of papers and some things that looked suspiciously like measuring instruments.

"There it is! It got lost among all this... stuff." He said sheepishly and handed her a small box, accidentally brushing his fingers against hers in the process.

Taylor froze as her heart started beating faster and her legs seemed to melt again. She lifted her eyes to him, noticing as he bit as his lip. He seemed to be affected by the contact himself – Taylor noticed he was breathing far less.

"I... uh..." she tried to speak but her mind was completely blank. A rare occasion in her life – she couldn't think of anything to say.

She reluctantly took her fingers away from his and put the box in her bag.

And then he kissed her. She hadn't seen it coming. He took her face in his hands and kissed her with a force that she hadn't felt in anyone who had kissed her before. He pushed her against the car and she felt herself getting lost.

She didn't know how long it lasted until his lips finally left hers.

Wow.

They both sat there, looking at each other, breathing heavily.

"What time do you get off work?" He asked huskily.

"Six..."

"I'll come pick you up."

"Do you know where I work?"

"I designed the building, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah."

OK, she was losing it.

"I gotta go."

"Yeah."

"I'll see you at six."

"Yes, you will."

She was so dizzy that she completely forgot about Summer's box. She took it out and unwrapped it clumsily.

Inside there was a simple piece of paper that said: "Surprise!"

---

He was waiting for her outside the building, sitting nonchalantly next to the car. All Ryan Atwood, with his hands in his pockets and a discreet smile on his face.

"Hey" Taylor said.

"Hey"

So, what now? What did he want? What was he expecting?

"So... wanna go for a walk? I can show you around."

"Sure."

"The building looks great, by the way. You should be proud."

"Yeah it's one of my best works."

"What else have you done?"

"Well, I also do houses, when it's needed, and other office buildings... Not many in LA, some more in San Francisco... even in Newport."

"Wow the clique has really accepted you."

"As an architect, maybe. I don't go to parties much."

"Of course you don't." Taylor smiled. "You never were a big party fan."

"Neither were you."

"That's because I had nobody to talk to."

"Yeah, me neither."

"This is where I jog in the mornings", she said as they passed by a park.

"Oh, you jog."

"Yeah gotta keep in shape. My job doesn't involve much activity."

"Well it's working."

"What?"

"Keeping in shape."

Taylor blushed and looked away. Oh great. Back to highschool.

"Anyway, you should be proud of yourself too. You've done quite a lot for your age."

"What do you mean?" Taylor frowned.

"Well you graduated top of your class in both highschool and college, you got a great job, you live in LA, the City of Angels..."

He had paid attention to her a little. Even back there. That made her smile.

"Yeah, well, professionally I couldn't ask for more. I mean, I could, there's always better, but I think I'm at that point where it's just where it should be. I wouldn't dream of becoming a manager – it would involve way too much work."

"How about personally?"

"Well, you know me. Once a dork, always a dork."

"You're not a dork."

"Yeah I am."

"Not everyone who's smart is a dork."

"No, there's always you."

Ryan smirked.

"I never thought you were a dork."

Taylor looked at him surprised:

"But you never talked to me."

"That wasn't because I thought you were a dork, that was because I didn't know what to say to you. You and me... we seemed to be on different planets." He admitted reluctantly.

"Yeah."

They walked in silence for the next minute.

"This is where I live." she pointed to a four story building.

"Close to work." He observed.

"Yeah, I'm not a big fan of cars. I keep crashing them."

Ryan laughed.

"It's a nice place." He said. He seemed to want to say something but couldn't bring himself to.

Taylor herself was a bit at a loss.

"Would you like to come upstairs?" She said, her voice trembling.

He seemed surprised at her question. She was too, a little. But the truth was that she was dying to touch him.

"Taylor..." he said, huskily. He seemed to be struggling with himself.

"Look, Ryan, we're not in highschool anymore. We're both adults. If you want to come, you can feel free to, without worrying about what the school would say, what your friends would say, or anything else. I don't play games."

He looked away, still unsure.

"It was nice seeing you, Ryan. Maybe I'll see you around." Taylor said and turned around. She opened the door to her building. Just as she entered she heard his footsteps.

"Wait."


	6. Chapter 6

Taylor couldn't concentrate. At all.

She'd thought that spending the night with Ryan would get him out of her system. It had happened many times before. She'd been attracted to a guy before. It always faded after a while. Ryan – no.

She had been almost giggly when she woke up in the morning and noticed him sleeping next to her. He looked almost like a child with his eyes closed, his mouth curved in a subtle smile and his hair all over the place. She stood there watching him, unable to move.

Until she freaked out, in the usual Taylor Townsend fashion. She looked at the watch – it was seven AM. Perfectly good excuse. She got up and left for work, leaving behind a small note saying that she had to go and that there's eggs on the table if he wants breakfast. And she took off. She resisted taking one last look. No need in torturing herself – she probably wasn't going to see him for a long time to come anyway.

It wasn't that she wasn't into relationships. Most people perceived her as too independent to be into one. She flirted with a lot of people and also slept with quite a few. She always left first in the morning, but it was always a way for her to prevent from being left behind. She sometimes had her suspicions about the men she slept with, some of them seemed to want to get to know her, to go out with her more, but none of them protested enough when she pushed them away. They probably didn't think she was worth it. This was for the best anyway...

Sigh. A new graph for tomorrow's presentation. And then some more daydreaming.

No, no more daydreaming. No more. Taylor shook herself out of it and went back to work.

---

The phone rang around noon. It was Summer. Figures. Taylor breathed and answered:

„Hey Sum"

„Heya, girl, how did you like my surprise?"

Taylor couldn't think of anything to say.

„You did get it, right? Taylor?"

„Yeah. I got it. Thanx."

„Hey, I told you I'd help! What happened?"

At that point Taylor realized Summer wasn't up to date with the happenings. She mentally slapped herself for thinking Ryan would ever confide in Summer... or anyone for that manner. She might not know him that well but he definitely didn't seem one to kiss and tell.

„We went for lunch. It was great. I had a good time."

„...and?"

„And nothing... it was a good lunch."

„TAYLOR!!!"

„Look, Sum, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's just not going to work, OK? He's there, I'm here, I have work, he has work and we just live in parallel universeses. It's just a silly attraction on my part, it will just go away..."

„But Taylor, that's the point, it's not JUST on your part! You should have seen his face when I asked him to contact you! I mean, he didn't jump up and down or anything, but in Ryan terms he might as well have! I almost told him that you liked him too and that he should just take you and kiss you!"

„Summer!"

„Don't worry, I didn't tell him anything. But you both are so proud, it's annoying, you're never gonna get anything done!"

„Maybe it's for the best..."

„Don't you dare give up on this Taylor. What you told me at your mom's wedding is more than just a silly attraction. It takes more than just a silly attraction to make Ryan dance for an entire night, OK? And it takes more than just a silly attraction to get him to make that face he made when I asked him to contact you!"

„Look, Summer..."

„I can't believe you're doing this."

„There's just no point..."

„What do you mean there is no point?! Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want to love and be loved back?!"

„Love is a huge word, Summer, I just think..."

„You are exasperating!"

Taylor sighed and said nothing. Tears started falling down her face and she started hating herself for her cowardness. Was there really a point?

But then she breathed and calmed down. This was Ryan Atwood, the man who could swoop Marissa Cooper off her feet. Why would he want HER?

„Look, Summer, I gotta go back to work, I really don't have time for this. It was a nice lunch and I thank you for it, but please stay out of this."

Silence.

„Whatever, Taylor." Summer finally decided to speak. „I was just trying to help."

„I know you were. I know you were, Summer, and I am grateful for it, but there's just no point."

„Well, I disagree."

„Summer..."

„Yeah. Well. Go back to work or something. Talk to you later."

„Thanx."

---

By the time she had to leave work, Taylor was already depressed.

She could feel how she had given up something. Something that could have been good.

There was no way Ryan was gonna want anything to do with her after she left the way she did.

And Summer was right, he did like her to begin with. All she had to do was try a little.

Why does she always feel the need to make the men run for her when it's clear they never do?

Walking slowly towards her home, Taylor walked through the same park she had passed by with Ryan the day before. She had told him she jogs while the truth was that she just occasionally jogged, when she found the strength to get up at 6 AM. She had become so lazy after college, not having Monster Townsend on her back all the time.

She sat down on the bench, looking at couples as they passed her by. She had never been part of a real couple. No-one wanted her enough for that. Sure, she's good enough for passing relationships, but then again for a guy, very few women aren't.

After a half hour she decided she wouldn't wallow in misery anymore. She had one night and it was an amazing night. At least she had something to remember him by.

By the time she got out of the park she was already fine and slightly smiling, remembering his face as he slept. So different from what he usually was, so peaceful. She had the involontary reflex of lifting her hand almost as if to ruffle his hair some more.

She lift her head up as she went into the building. Who knows? Maybe they'll see each other again. And when they do, she'll try. She really will. And maybe it will work if she puts some effort into everything. After all, relationships are supposed to be equal partnerships, not the guy running after the girl all the time. Right? And who knows, maybe if she gives it a try, they'll fall in love and stay together. And be part of a real couple. Like everyone else except her seems to be.

She climbed up to the last floor where her apartment was but stopped just as she was reaching it. He was there. Sitting on the top of the stairs. Head in hands.

Taylor stopped breathing.

He slowly lifted his head and his eyes burned right through her.

Is it possible that someone did come after her after all? Could it be possible that her running away was not for nothing?

She swallowed and for the second time in two days couldn't think of anything to say.

„I can't stop thinking about you"

His voice came out as a whisper but it shook her from head to toes. Though hushed, his tone was passionate, something she wasn't very used to. Not from him, not from anyone.

He wasn't a man of many words but she suddenly realized that he communicated very well nevertheless. His voice, his eyes, his body, they were all talking to her. And they were all saying the same obsessive sentence: _I can't stop thinking about you._

She took a deep breath. He had come. Now it was her turn.

He stood up and seemed a little lost. She jumped the last stairs towards him and before he had a chance to react, she kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

It's been two months since Ryan started coming every night to see her and Taylor still can't believe it. They don't talk about it, they don't celebrate it... actually they don't talk about themselves usually. Ryan would occasionally mention work, when there was something on his mind. Taylor usually mentioned work since she needed to vent all the frustration she never got to vent with her actual boss whom she secretly hated. Never anything too personal, never feelings... Just occasionally, after a few glasses of wine, some childhood stories.

But that didn't work either. Taylor refused to talk about her she-wolf of a mother, afraid that he might actually pity her. She didn't have many good memories from childhood and highschool so she mainly stayed away from the subject. And knowing what she did about him she figured he applied the same tactic for the exact same reason.

Their nights were passionate, among the most passionate she'd ever experienced. While after two months it was almost normal that they wouldn't have sex every night anymore, he still came and even that brief moment before crumbling into sleep after a long day of work, the knowledge that he was there, next to her, made wonders to her. She hadn't slept so well her whole life.

She sometimes wondered what made him drive for an hour every night and another one every morning (forcing him to get up at 6 to get to work in time). But she didn't want to ask him, afraid that he might start thinking about it and find no reason for it. Not knowing is better than knowing the bad, she thought. They had settled into a routine almost: dinner, movie, sometimes a game or two then bed. Her doorman even started knowing him and stopped asking him for an ID.

"So, Seth's proposing tonight.."

"Really? Isn't that what you've been telling me for two months already?"

"No, I think tonight really is the night" he laughed.

"What makes you say that?"

"He basically ordered a cake and paid the baker to place the ring in it."

"He could always just not serve her the cake."

"But it's their ten year anniversary. There's no way he doesn't give her cake. Summer's rage blackouts are even scarier than a proposal."

They laughed quietly.

"I suppose I have to go shop for a dress then."

Taylor secretly hated weddings. She never talked about it because she knew that she'd at least once get the answer "It's only because you've got no-one to marry". Which was kinda true. To her weddings were a rub in the face, something she never thought she'd have. Just an excuse to feel miserable about being single. Just another excuse, that is, cause there were plenty of those. Weddings were so hypocritical. Totally losing sight of what was truly important in life, little girls were tought to want to get married in white dresses and big parties. Women expected to get married after a couple of years with a guy, whether there was love involved or not. It was just the logical next step. Of course, that wasn't true for Seth and Summer, but Taylor had been to many weddings (unfortunately) and knew that they were more the exception rather than the rule.

She'd decided a long time before that she'd never get married. If she really managed to be so lucky and find the right guy, he'd probably be just as happy just living with her (something that, knowing men's legendary fear of commitment, was probably true). Of course that didn't stop the bitter taste she got in her mouth when weddings happened or were even just being mentioned.

Ryan noticed her unenthused tone.

"I thought you'd be happy. Women love weddings."

Taylor smiled as bright as she could, in an attempt to hide her sudden uncomfortable mood.

"Yeah, indeed I do."

Ryan frowned. She obviously wasn't as good at hiding her feelings as she used to be.

"You know..." he started and his tone warned her that what followed was a serious conversation "I almost forgot about your crush on Seth in senior year..."

WHAT?!!!

OK, that had totally come out of nowhere.

She laughed, this time sincerely.

"Yeah, that was one of the stupidest times of my life. I don't know what I was thinking."

He was eyeing her intensely and she wondered whether he, like Summer a couple of months before, believed she still liked Seth.

"What?" she asked.

"I don't know, but I remember you switching very quickly from liking him and practically stalking him and sabotaging his relationship with Summer, to giving up and eventually becoming friends with both of them and one of their biggest supporters. What happened there?"

"Well..." she started, uncomfortable at the thought that she was actually capable of sabotaging someone's relationship, "...at first it was guilt. When Seth and Summer were applying for colleges and Summer realized that they had different choices on their mind, she came to me one day and told me I can have him cause she's gonna lose him to college anyway. I don't know if she meant it as a reverse psychology thing, to get me to back off, or she actually meant it, but it totally made me feel like a rat's ass. So I started feeling sick with the idea that I was actually doing what I was doing and I tried to compensate by overreacting on the other side. After a while, though, it somehow all turned true because I realized that Seth was too much like me for us to work and that he and Summer were actually very good together."

"He was too much like you?" He raised an eyebrow. He didn't seem to believe her.

"Yeah, I mean, all my life I've been told I'm a dork so I kinda got used to that thought. And knowing that no cool person was actually gonna have me, I of course did the next logical thing and started checking out dorks and totally blocked everyone else. Seth was a dork so that seemed to work. But after spending some time with him and Summer and actually getting to know him, I realized that while we had similar interests and similar patterns of behaviour, that in itself does not count very much in a relationship, except for the fact that it actually makes it boring and redundant. People in relationships are supposed to complete each other, not copy each other. You know, I cook, you clean, that sort of thing." She said, suddenly aware of how much she was talking.

Ryan smiled strangely: "I kinda know what you mean."

She felt like she hit close to home but she didn't ask who he was thinking of. She really didn't want to know anything of his past girlfriends. Marissa Cooper was enough to haunt her for the rest of her life, she just preferred to ignore that there could have been anyone else.

---

Work, work, work. As the company was growing more and more, Taylor felt more and more weight on her shoulders. Her boss was lately totally unpreocupied with work and totally indifferent. Whenever he actually did something, he did it superficially and basically badly so Taylor had started taking on more and more projects on her own. There were times when she thought that it was way too much and that she couldn't handle it, but she was comforted by the thought that she at least tried, unlike her boss, so there was a better chance of things turning out well after all. And in the end, somehow they all did. Although she knew that many times it was just a stroke of luck.

She hardly had time to answer her personal phone lately. She usually ignored it till she left work and then she checked to see who'd been calling.

So there she was. Summer had called. Twice. Remembering her chat with Ryan last night, Taylor pretty much put two and two together and realized that Seth had proposed. So she called her:

"Hey Sum!"

"Taylor! I called you twice today!"

"I know, I was really busy, I'm really sorry, I hardly have time for personal calls anymore."

"God, Taylor, you really need a break."

"No, I don't. If I take a break, who will do all the work?"

"Not you. Which is kinda the point."

"But if I don't do it and it turns bad, it will all fall on me. I'd rather prevent that..."

"...by killing yourself?"

"I'm not killing myself." Taylor sighed. "Besides, haven't you been telling me how you worked late nights a couple of months ago?"

"That was one time."

"Well I don't work late nights. I just work more intensely during the day."

"Whatever floats your boat, girl. Anyway, enough about you let's talk about me. Guess what?"

"Seth proposed?"

Silence. Taylor couldn't help but smile imagining Summer with her jaw on the floor.

"How did you know?"

"Oh come on, Summer, it's so obvious."

"Huh? How come?"

"Well, first of all you've been together for ten years. Wasn't yesterday your anniversary?"

"Yeah... are you keeping record or something?"

"No, I just happen to have a really good memory and you mentioned it to me once... or twice."

"Ok..."

"So it seemed like a proposal was the perfect ten year anniversary gift. Don't you agree?"

"Well... Ok... you totally ruined my mood girl, I was waiting for some surprise and screaming."

"Oh... sorry, Sum. Yay?"

"Too late now."

"My bad."

"So, it's two weeks from now. Don't you dare make any plans."

"Two weeks? Isn't it kinda fast?"

"Not really. We've been together for ten years, after all."

"No, I mean... after the proposal. Do you have time to organize it all?"

"Yeah it's gonna be really small and low-key just friends and family. Not one of those big schmancy weddings."

"Wow, Summer, that's so cool. I've never liked schmancy weddings."

"So, wanna be my maid?"

"Excuse me?"

"Maid of honour. You know, that chick that walks before the bride."

"Oh." That she'd never been. No-one had ever felt close enough to her to ask her to be a maid of honour. "I suppose that could work. But I have to say I have no prior experience."

"No problem. Marissa does."

And there it was. A knife hitting her in the back. Or in the chest. Anyway, somewhere real close to the heart.

"Marissa?"

"Yeah, she's coming back especially for the wedding, which is very cool of her since she's somewhere in the Galapagos or something. You'll just have to follow her lead."

As always. Marissa Cooper taking the lead.

"Right..."

"So you'll do it, right?"

"Well... yeah..." she said hesitantly. "Although I'm sure Marissa will be enough, since Seth's probably only gonna have Ryan as a best man, so only one maid of honour should be fitting."

"Says who? I want to have both of you and that's final."

"Ok..."

"Good, I'm counting on you."

Taylor sighed and entered her apartment. She was happy Ryan wasn't there yet. She just sat down on her couch and looked by the window, watching the cars drive by.

Just great...


	8. Chapter 8

One week before Summer's wedding, Taylor received a surprise telephone from a company in Chicago, offering her a job there. One of the largest retail companies in the country was offering her a job as part of their top management. Unbelievable didn't even begin to describe it.

Everything was urging her to take it. It was an opportunity that would probably never come again. A fast rise in her career. An opportunity to work for a well known company. An opportunity to work as a top manager.

And then her conscience kicked in. She was an important piece of the puzzle at her current workplace. The company was smaller and depended more on its employees than a large company which was a well-oiled system, most probably. Should she leave her current place of work, her current boss would consider it a betrayal. And while she didn't like him much, she hated to think of herself in that manner.

And then there was Ryan...

As she was lying in bed at night, after he fell asleep she wondered whether or not he would be affected by her leaving.

Surely he wanted her. Quite a lot, since he kept on insisting on coming each and every night. She had ended up giving him his own key, for when she came late from work. It was almost like they were living together. Except she wasn't sure they counted as a couple in any other way. Surely now that Marissa was coming back, the situation would be totally different and the diversion (ie, herself) would be over.

So the problem was not whether or not he'd ask her to stay for him (which he surely wouldn't) but whether she would want to leave him. She could always turn down the job based on her scruples regarding her boss and he'd never know the real reason she stayed. After all, she wouldn't be the first to prefer being second at a small firm rather than tenth at a huge firm.

---

Two days until Summer's wedding and Taylor was starting to feel weary. She didn't like weddings to begin with. This, however, was a wedding where she was a bridesmaid, which meant she'd almost be in the center of attention and her usual tactic of keeping a low profile was impossible.

And then there was the Marissa factor. Regardless of Ryan, Marissa was extremely intimidating. She would no doubt claim her spot as queen of the night, as Summer's best friend. She would totally outshine her. And being outshined while in the spotlight was not something Taylor was very keen on.

And then of course there was the Marissa and Ryan factor.

„What are you thinking?" Ryan woke her from her reverie.

„What do you mean?"

„You're clearly deep in thought. Anything I can do?"

„Don't think so" she grabbed a new slice of pizza.

„Are you worried about Summer's wedding?"

„No, I'm sure everything will be fine" she lied through her teeth.

„Something's up."

She couldn't possibly talk about her fear of Marissa. That was one subject she'll always keep to herself. She might feel inferior in every single way, but she was the one who will ever know if she had anything to do with it.

_If you're gonna lose, act like you never expected to win, _something that sounded suspiciously like her mother's voice rang in her head.

Not like her mother ever gave her any advice, but there were other ways for Taylor to figure out the way she worked.

„Taylor?" Ryan moved his hand in front of her.

„Sorry, I spaced out for a bit."

„You sure did. What's up?"

She had to say something.

„I was offered a job."

„What kind of a job?"

„A top management job in a big company."

„That sounds great." He eyed her curiously. „Doesn't it?"

„I keep thinking that by taking it I'm betraying my boss."

„You don't like your boss."

„That's besides the point."

„No it's not. Why should you refuse a job you want for someone you don't even like? Unless, of course, you don't want it."

„No I want it."

„So take it."

„You don't get it. My boss took me in and gave me a management position when everyone else was offering me entry-level. He invested in me. He put up with my lack of experience. He let me make my mistakes. And then when I finally turn good, I ditch him?"

„He didn't do all that for your sake. He took you because he couldn't afford a top manager and, no offense, you probably didn't ask half as much money."

Taylor frowned.

„I never thought of it that way."

„I assure you he wasn't being charitable when he hired you. He took a risk, true, but considering your academic record, it was definitely a small one. Stop thinking about other people, do what you want to do, for yourself."

Taylor blinked, realizing that he didn't even realize he was including himself in that.

„I suppose you're right. I'll think about it. I'll study the problem from every point of view and decide what I have to do. For myself."

Ryan smiled encouragingly.

„So what time should I pick you up?"

„Sorry?"

„What time should I pick you up? For Summer's wedding."

„Pick me up?"

„Yeah. You know, drive you to the wedding."

„Why would you wanna do that?"

She was so surprised at his question that her tone almost came out aggressive. Not at all what she wanted. She could tell by his face that he was disturbed by her reaction and she mentally slapped herself a couple of times.

„I'm sorry, that came out all wrong."

„Well, if you don't want me to..." he said, in a confused tone.

„No, it's not that. It's just that..."

_If I show up with you at the wedding everyone will know I am losing to Marissa, unlike when our relationship is a secret and everyone will just think you two got back together naturally without knowing you left me behind._

„..there's no point in me driving from here in my bridesmaid dress. I'm staying at my mother's tomorrow night and going straight from there."

He lifted an eyebrow.

„...and you didn't think to mention that to me?"

„I didn't think it mattered."

„So when I came by tomorrow night and the house was empty, would you at least have left me a note?"

„I would have told you tomorrow morning. I don't get it. What's the big deal? It's not like we're going together as a couple!" she said a little louder than she initially intended.

She hated it when people made her feel like she was insensitive. That was one thing she was not.

He opened his mouth and closed it again. There was something in his eyes, something she had never seen before on his face. She couldn't quite pinpoint to what it was, but it was a familiar look.

„No, of course not" He said after a minute and she could feel a thousand knives hit her heart all at once.

He wanted to go with her. He wanted to go out in public with her. In front of his friends. The people he most cared about. With her. Taylor Dorksend.

Of course, that wasn't possible. She wasn't going to give Marissa the satisfaction of knowing about her. But, still, the fact that he wanted that, that he thought it was the natural thing to do (he didn't bother to ask her whether or not she wanted to be picked up, he simply assumed she did), made the pain a lot greater.

There was something there. Something that could have worked, had it not been for the stupid history that no-one could ever erase.


	9. Chapter 9

The wedding was going great for everybody but Taylor. As much as she kept wishing she would just start enjoying weddings cause they are so romantic and everything else you can think of, she couldn't. They kept on reminding her of what she could never have. What she could never get herself to have. She felt uncomfortable and weird as people noticed her bridesmaid outfit and smiled knowingly. She avoided Kirsten's tender presence - she and Sandy were a constant reminder of how _other people could be happy_.

And then, to top it off, there was Marissa.

Taylor had always felt a sort of envy mixed with despise mixed with hate for Marissa. Marissa was everything she wasn't. She was beautiful and sociable and people liked her. Who cared that she used to drink bottles of votka in one night? Who cared that she didn't get straight A's? Who cared that she didn't care about the people around her? Marissa was without trying, what Taylor had always wanted to be. Taylor had fought with herself and tried to please everyone around her and was just taken for a fool. Then when her pride kicked in and she did a 180 turn into a real-class bitch, everyone just avoided. What Marissa got away with, Taylor was crucified for. And Taylor could never really understand why.

All she could do was puff and try and convince herself that she was better, that she was smarter, that people just didn't see her for what she really was. It never worked and all she could ever be was bitter.

The truth was that until Ryan, it had never been truly about Marissa. Up there with her were Holly and all the cheerleaders and all the stupid jocks. People who were popular without caring, without trying. Marissa was just one of them. And Taylor had forgotten all about highschool by college - where she was perceived a little differently as the person who stood aside and didn't join the game, but definitely not one of the nerds, geeks and all the people jocks made fun of. She even slept with a couple of jocks - of course they were dumb and couldn't speak properly but at least she could - that's all she wanted to prove herself.

By college she realized that as much she envied the jocks, she didn't want to be like them. She didn't want to get drunk every night. She hated parties. She was over it.

Until Ryan, that is...

Now she was standing at Summer's wedding watching him talk and laugh with Marissa and felt the pang in her heart. She remembered highschool again. She felt like a highschool girl again. Ryan had that effect on her already - now seeing him with Marissa, it was only stronger.

He had greeted her coldly when she arrived at the wedding. She could tell that he wasn't exactly pleased with her.

It was all falling into pieces. It was over. It would have been over anyway, but Marissa was a very good push in that direction.

Taylor sighed and drank some more wine.

Summer sat next to her:

"You don't look too happy"

'No kidding'

"I'm tired. I stayed with my mum last night and she was awful."

"So why did you stay with her?"

"I don't know. I don't know why I do this to myself but I really can't help myself. I keep thinking maybe... maybe this time she'll smile at me. Maybe this time she'll have some sort of maternal feeling. She doesn't even have to say she loves me. She could just hug me."

Taylor's eyes filled with tears. Summer placed her palm on Taylor's hand and squeezed slowly but said nothing.

"Come on, this is a party. We should try and have some fun."

"Yeah. I'm trying." Taylor pointed to the glass of wine.

"That doesn't really work, you know."

"It works if you try hard enough."

"Come on, let's join the others" Summer pointed out to Ryan, Marissa and Seth discussing with cheerful faces.

"I will"

"No, now"

"I can't, they'll see I've been crying. I need to erase the tracks."

"But then you promise you'll come."

"Yes."

"Come on, I'm going with you."

They went to the bathroom and Taylor washed her face carefully. A bit of make-up, eye-drops... good as new. But not good enough.

Never good enough.

Taylor watched herself in the mirror. She didn't look so bad. Why was it that no-one liked her the way everyone liked Marissa?

"Come on, Taylor, you look perfect." Summer grabbed her hand and headed towards the door. Taylor dragged behind as they headed towards Ryan, Marissa and Seth who were still laughing in a corner.

"Hey guys" Summer smiled and took Seth's arm in hers. Seth instantly beamed:

"There's my beautiful wife. I was fearing you had run away."

"Nah, you're stuck with me."

"That sounds... fearsome..."

Everyone laughed while Taylor forced a smile.

"So, Taylor, how have you been doing? I haven't seen YOU in ages", Marissa said with no real interest.

"Well, pretty much what everyone has been doing. College, work..."

"What do you do exactly?"

"I work as an economist for a small company in LA."

"Oh..."

It all sounded so little. So useless. So much lack of glamour. What's that compared to touring the world?

"Actually I've been offered a new job now, with a bigger company and I think I'm gonna take it."

"Really? What company?" Summer lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "You mentioned nothing of this."

"Yeah, I felt kinda guilty about leaving Steve cause he can't handle a thing but I realized I gotta think of myself and no-one else. So I decided I was going to take the job."

"Good for you. When do you start?"

"I don't know, I haven't talked to the guys yet, but I suppose it would take at least a week, with all that moving and stuff..."

"How long does it take to take your stuff from the office?"

"It's not just the office, it's the apartment and everything..." Taylor watched their confused faces. "Oh, I guess I forgot to mention it's in Chicago, right?"

"You're moving to Chicago?!"

"Yeah, I mean, I never was much of a West Coast girl. I think Chicago is much more like me than LA or Newport."

She avoided Ryan's eyes, but she could feel them on her.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna call the guys now, before they give the job to someone else."

She turned around and left looking for her phone in the bag.

"You're moving to Chicago?!" She heard his hushed voice in his ear as he grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out of the party.

"Ryan! You're making a scene!"

"You're moving to Chicago?!"

"Ryan..."

"When was I going to find out?"

"I would have told you when I knew for sure."

"Would that be one or two days before you left?"

"Ryan, Steve's not gonna let me go that easily. I'm gonna need a week or two, at least."

"Ah, so Steve's the issue here."

"Of course he is, he's my boss..."

"What about your b... what about me?!"

Taylor's heart broke but at the same time she felt the need to go further with this. She needed to win. She needed to be strong. _She_ was the one who was getting out, not the one who was being dumped.

"Ryan. Let's not overreact with what we had here. We both knew it was going to end one day. Better like this than bitter and resentful and weird."

His look _was_ bitter and resentful. He turned around and left without a word. But just as Taylor was getting ready to digest all that had happened he turned around and said decisively:

"You're wrong. And one day you're gonna find out how wrong you are and you're gonna be sorry. But I'm too proud to wait for that to happen."

Her eyes widened.

"Have a nice life in Chicago, Taylor."


	10. Chapter 10

Taylor cried for almost the entire night after Summer's wedding. She cried for herself, for Ryan, for her wasted teenage years and for every single wasted second of her life. She went through all her failures and achievements and cried. She cried when she realized she and Ryan had not taken one picture together.

She reached work in a terrible mood and worked half-hearted, waiting for her boss to come to work so that she could let him know that she was leaving. She felt bad enough for leaving, without making it worse by letting him know of it on the phone. She owed it to him to tell him in person.

Her phone rang around lunch. It was Summer. It was around the fifth time she was calling but since Taylor was crying her heart of, she hadn't felt like talking to anyone when the phone rang before. Now she figured that – knowing Summer – she was going to have to answer sooner or later.

„Hello"

„Finally! Where have you been?"

„I slept. I hadn't slept much the night before so I didn't hear your phone. What are you doing calling me and why aren't you having sex with Seth?"

„Why didn't you call me when you saw that I had called you four times?"

„I figured you'd be... uhm... having sex with Seth? Since this is your first day of wedded bliss and all."

„Don't beat around the bush, Taylor. You know very well what this is all about."

„I do?"

„Ryan"

„What about Ryan?"

„He was pretty annoyed at the thought that you were going to Chicago"

„He was?"

„Yes, he was. Do you have any idea why he might have been so pissed off?"

„Beats me. Maybe he had a fight with Marissa."

Taylor could almost see Summer's eyes getting smaller.

„Listen, girl, and get this straight into your stubborn little head: Ryan. And. Marissa. Broke. Up. Ages. Ago. And they are not getting back together. Ever. Trust me on this one."

„Look, this is none of my business. I don't care. I don't know why Ryan was upset."

„Will you stop playing dumb? You're insulting my intelligence!"

„Summer..."

„Ryan has been conspicuously absent for the past few months. Kinda starting with that time he went to LA and met with you. Ring any bells?"

„So we had lunch."

„Taylor, I am not stupid. I can put two and two together. No matter how much he liked you he wouldn't have been this upset had nothing been going on between the two of you and you know it."

Taylor rolled her eyes but did not answer.

„You have this crazy idea that Ryan and Marissa are somehow gonna find their way back to one another. Now listen to me: as Marissa's best friend and Ryan's sister in law I can guarantee you that nothing like that will happen. Ryan needs someone more focused, more in the real life than Marissa. Someone who will understand his need for stability, not someone whose life dream is going to as many places as possible. Someone who will feel compassion for his hardships, preferably for having gone through something similar themselves. You fit that profile. Marissa doesn't. Now grow and accept that."

„Summer..."

„You have issues. I get it. But think this through before you do it. Because there's something you're not realizing: it's not just you involved in this. His feelings are on the line too. And judging by the amount of Bloody Mary he ingested last night, I'd bet on some pretty strong feelings."

Taylor hated feeling like a bitch. She always did everything in her power so that everyone around her was pleased with her.

„It was gonna end anyway, Summer"

„Says who?"

„Summer..."

„What are you basing this assumption on? Because if it's got anything to do with Marissa, I will say again: not gonna happen. And I can guarantee you that both Ryan and Marissa are perfectly aware of that. You're setting up obstacles that don't exist. And now in order to justify yourself you move to Chicago – now you really have an excuse, right?"

„It's a very good job!"

„There are perfectly good jobs in Los Angeles and – god forbid – Newport!"

„I don't wanna go back to Newport."

„I'm sure Ryan would be open to going to Los Angeles, if asked."

„Look, it's too late now. It doesn't matter."

„Why are you doing this?! Why do you keep telling yourself that it can't happen? What are you afraid of?!"

Just then, Taylor's boss walked in the office.

„Steve's here, I gotta go." Taylor said and shut her phone without waiting for a reply. Then she ran after her boss.

„Steve!"

„Hey, Tay, what's up?"

Steve was wearing a Lakers T-Shirt and cap and looked very relaxed. Taylor hated how he could be so familiar to her, she hated how he could come in at 1PM and not be scoulded for it. She hated him and what he represented.

„I got a job offer."

„Really? Who's the jerk that's going headhunting behind my back?"

„It's from John Hodgkins from X! He's offering me a top management position."

„And I take it from your way of telling me about it that you're thinking of taking it."

„I took it already."

„Without discussing with me."

„This is not your decision to make."

Steve looked at her and frowned:

„I'm disappointed in you Taylor. I thought we were more than colleagues, I thought we were friends. Clearly, I was mistaken."

Taylor looked away and hated herself for feeling guilty although she knew that this was exactly Steve's intention.

„Steve, it's a job and it's in my best interest to take it. It's more than you could offer me."

„Fine. Take it. You can pack your bags."

„I can stay for two more weeks."

Steve glared at her:

„Pack your bags. You're free to go."

Taylor froze.

--

After two days inside, the house was starting to close in on Taylor. She had let her owner know that she was leaving and had even arranged a moving company for her few beloved objects of furniture. Everything was arranged except for the fact that they didn't need her until a week later. And there was nothing to do.

Somehow she ended up walking and somehow she ended up at the train station. And then somehow she ended up in Newport.

She knew vaguely about Ryan's whereabouts. She found his office pretty quickly and then his assistant (disturbed from a Cosmopolitan reading) mentioned that he was checking out a building he had designed right outside Newport.

At first she thought about waiting for him at the office. But then she lost her courage and started walking around Newport.

She remembered every single place she used to go: the book store, the diner, the dock... she had spent many evenings on that dock just staring at the sea and hoping for its freedom. But the truth that she had come to realize was that she would never be free. Because that ugly voice that sounded like her mother but was probably herself shouted at her all that time. Because she knew that she was gonna fail the minute she was starting something. Because she prepared her failsafe tactics before she even started it.

Because nothing came to her naturally. Everything had to be thought over otherwise it just didn't work out. And she hadn't thought Ryan over.

She somehow ended somewhere near the building he was overseeing. And she saw him as he talked to the workers and looked at the sketches. Tears started falling on her cheek as he watched him confidently give out orders. He was everything she'd always secretly wanted but never hoped she'd get. He was that guy she was watching romantic comedies for.

How could it possibly last?

--

She fell on her couch, exhausted and slept for a few hours. She had finally calmed down and accepted her fate. Again. Perfect life was just not for her. Perfect guy at her side was just not meant to be.

_It's alright Taylor. You've lived without him for ages. You can do it again._

She woke up in the middle of the night sweating. It was a particularly hot night and her sleep was restless, especially since her couch was incredibly uncomfortable.

And that's when she saw her answering machine silently turning red, and then dark again...

She watched it for a while, watching as it reflected on the walls. Wondering who would call her.

She pretty much crawled to the phone. She felt wasted and empty and could not do anything more. She sat by the table and pressed the button slowly.

A long silence ensued. Someone had called but did not speak. She heard the sudden breath-ins twice, suggesting they wanted to say something. But in the end it just stopped and skipped to the next message.

„Miss Townsend, it's Mr. Hodgkins, from X. We discussed about a possible position for you in our company. I am sorry to inform you that Mr. Johnson, who filled that position and had planned to retire, had a change of heart and decided to stay with our company for a year longer. Taking into consideration the long time Mr. Johnson spent in our company, we cannot but oblige him. We apologize for any incovenience caused and are willing to offer you a middle management position in compensation, perhaps in one of our Los Angeles offices. Please call me so that we could discuss the details. My number is ..."


	11. Chapter 11

Her first days were spent in disbelief. This wasn't happening, it was just a dream. No job, no Ryan, absolutely nothing. And to top it all, her landlord had found someone new to live in her apartment so she needed to move out because she, in her complete haze, forgot to let him know that she wasn't leaving anymore.

She hated anything to do with her mother and yet it had come to begging her mother for a place to stay or being on the streets. She couldn't believe it but there it was.

Veronica had laughed it all off. It felt to Taylor like she had been expecting her for ages. Like Taylor's failure was predictable.

She spent her first days back in Newport crying in her childhood room, eating chips and icecream and watching crappy soaps. She couldn't believe how addictive this lifestyle was - she found it harder and harder to get out of bed. Then one day as her mother somehow found her way to her room and spent enough time with her to warn her about getting fat, Taylor shook herself off and decided she was not going to be in this pitiful state any longer.

Her first stop was the beach where she spent another couple of hours watching the waves crash. She loved the smell of fresh salty air - although sunbathing wasn't her thing. However sitting on a beach and smelling the sea was so peaceful and nice, she found it hard to move.

"Taylor?"

Summer's voice woke her up. She didn't look at her, she didn't have to. Summer had found her. She was going to find out she was Newport and she was gonna tell Seth. And from then on either Seth was gonna slip it casually to Ryan or Summer (as the biggest Ryan-Taylor fan out there, including Ryan and Taylor at the moment) was gonna do it herself. No matter how, Ryan was gonna know.

And then there's two versions: he's either gonna think she lied to him about Chicago (totally justifiable thought, after all) and be even angrier. Or he's gonna believe her story and pity her. None of those options looked very good.

"Summer" she said dryly. "What happened to honeymoons that actually lasted a month?"

"Jobs happened. You know, like yours. In Chicago?"

Of course she brought that up.

"Yeah, well, that's not looking very good right now."

Summer took one good look at her and sat down next to her. Judging by the fact that Summer's initial irritated voice suddenly changed to a friendlier tone, Taylor assumed she must look terrible.

"What happened?"

"Well, basically, the old guy who was leaving the job - therefore creating a vacancy for me - decided he didn't want to leave his job anymore."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So what about your old job?"

"Well, that would have been fine, except for the tiny detail that the Chicago guys announced me about their change of plans after I was fired for accepting their job offer."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So what are you doing here?"

"Well, in my idiocy, while believing that I had the Chicago job in my pocket and believing that I needed to move to Chicago, I kinda told my landlord to find some other guys to stay."

"Wow."

Taylor laughed.

"Yeah."

"Where are you staying?"

"With my mother. And Greg. Who isn't so bad. Greg, that is. My mother's just as bad. Greg is OK, although he's kinda young and I'm kinda thinking he's in it for the money, but hey, she deserves it."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Well the Chicago guys offered me a middle management job in LA and I might take it."

"Yeah, that might be..."

"Or I might not, considerring that I don't want them to think I depend on their mercy. After all Veronica's got plenty of money to keep me for decades and after all she puts me through I deserve to live off her for a while, at least until I find a job that doesn't take away any part of my dignity."

"Uh..."

"Yeah."

"So, does Ryan know you're here?"

"Well since he hasn't dropped by to my house yet and this is the first time I'm going out, I'm thinking there's no way he knows."

"So what do you intend to do about that?"

"Nothing. But I'm assuming you'll fix that."

"Do you want me to?"

"I don't know. It might be too late anyway."

"Taylor..."

"Summer, my life's really messed up. I left with my head up and now I'm returning to him with my tail between my legs? How does that look? He's gonna think the only reason I'm back is because I have no choice!"

"Would you be back if you had a choice?" 

"No but that's not the point!"

"So how much _do _you like Ryan after all?"

"Enough to leave?" Taylor looked at her and frowned.

"Yeah. Thought so."

"What?"

"You have some weird ideas about love, Taylor."

"Who said anything about love?"

Summer rolled her eyes. Just then her phone rang.

"It's Seth. We're supposed to meet at the diner. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I'll let you enjoy your marital bliss and go read a book or something. I think The Young and The Restless is on at this hour."

"Yeah. I'll see you around, Taylor."

"Yeah."

Summer got up and answered her phone: "Hey baby!"

Taylor almost cried at the sound of her happy voice.

--

It took exactly one day until Taylor got out to go to the beach and found Ryan at her doorstep. She stopped short, staring at him in surprise.

He seemed undecided. She definitely _was_ undecided. Until she chose to go back to her own ways, bury everything and be a _lady_.

_OK, this is weird._

"Ryan, hi! Wanna go to the beach?"

Her friendly tone must have surprised him. He certainly looked surprised. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back and nodded.

Taylor went ahead and Ryan came after her. His hand touched hers in the process and they both jolted at the electricity still burning between them. They kept a safe distance after that.

"So... uh..." he started.

"Summer told you."

"Yeah."

"She knows."

"Yeah. I kinda figured that after the wedding when she came to talk to me."

"What did she say?"

"I don't remember much. I was a bit drunk."

"You, drunk? I thought you Atwoods could hold your drinking?"

"There's a limit, even for Atwoods."

"So why did you cross it?"

She bit her tongue right afterwards. What has she expecting? For him to declare his undying love? For all she knew he was mad cause Marissa was continuing her world tour instead of staying in Newport.

"I was angry."

"Why?"

"Are you gonna be honest with me Taylor? For once in your life?"

"I never lied to you."

"You never told me the truth either."

They reached the beach and Taylor sat down on the nearest spot. Ryan sat next to her. She could feel her eyes burning her cheek, but she refused to look at him. She smelled the salty sea and watched the waves.

"Why did you take the job in Chicago?"

"Because you told me to think about myself and no-one else."

"Had I known the job was in Chicago I wouldn't have told you that."

"A-ha so basically when you tell me to think about myself, you mean to think about myself unless of course you're involved."

"Pretty much."

"Why does it matter so much, Ryan? What? You've never been dumped before, is that it?"

"That's offensive."

His tone was calm, not offensed. She finally dared to look at him.

"OK, be honest."

"I've never been anything but honest to you, Taylor. You know, all this time, I thought we didn't _need_ to talk. Cause you see, I'm not much of a talker, myself. I've always dreamed of a relationship where someone simply _understood_ what I meant, without me having to say it. Somehow I thought you were it, because we practically lived together for months without you bugging me once, without you shouting at me whenever a client kept me late, without you calling at me at all times to ask where I was, without you feeling the need to ask me all the time how I feel about you and where we stand. I thought, in my stupidity, that that meant that you knew me, that you understood me. That you felt secure in our relationship. While all the time it simply meant that you didn't care."

He turned his head, suddenly staring at the other side of the beach. Taylor's eyes opened wide at his confession.

"What are you saying, Ryan?"

He turned back and stared her in the eyes. That look was back on his face - that look from the night before Summer's wedding. And this time she knew that look. It was her look every time her mother told her she was fat. Every time she came home happy only to have her mother slap her happiness right down. Every time she liked a boy only to have him make fun of her. Every time someone said 'you're cool, Taylor, _but..._".

"You know, all those times people told me you were weird in highschool - they were right. Not before you're smart and can learn anything. And not because you're not afraid to look people in the eye and tell them things they don't like to hear. But because you are the weirdest combination between annoyingly smart and annoyingly blind."

He got up and left, leaving Taylor dumb folded. She stood there for hours staring at the sea and thinking of his words.

Could Ryan actually _like _her? Could Ryan have thought they were in a _real_ relationship? Could a guy like him really _like _her? Above the sex, above the free meals and desperate easiness she offered? _Her_?


	12. Chapter 12

She hated feeling guilty but there it was. She felt guilty.

All her life she thought to herself that since she's so used to being hurt by anyone she knows all the mechanisms of hurting people and she's not using them. She's not hurting people. Even if sometimes that leads to uncomfortable situations for her. But on the beach with Ryan, she felt that she had hurt him. In an attempt to prevent her own hurt she had caused his. And, if she were honest to herself, she had pretty much caused hurt for herself too.

The whole situation sucked.

For a couple of days she decided that everything was way too messy to fix. But her guilty conscience kept bugging her and she kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking of yet another thing to say to Ryan. To make him understand what really happened and why it happened the way it did.

On the third day she stepped on her pride and went to Ryan's office.

She entered the building fully confident, but it felt like her self-esteem was crumbling with every step she took inside. She stood outside the office door for about twenty minutes, replaying every possible scenario in her head.

The relationship might have been lost but at least she would not come out of it as the bad person. With that thought, she went inside.

The assistant recognized her, she could tell. She had only been there a week or so ago, after all. She hoped she could come off as a client.

"Hi, is R... Mr. Atwood in?"

"Yes, who may I say is looking for him?"

"Taylor Townsend. We... we don't have an appointment, but I was hoping I could talk to him for a few minutes."

"I'll see what I can do."

The assistant picked up the phone:

"Hey, Ryan. There's a Taylor Townsend here to see you."

Long pause. For the first time, Taylor thought that maybe he won't want to see her and panicked.

"Just for five minutes. No more." She said, hoping it's loud enough for him to hear.

The assistant smiled knowingly:

"She says it will only take five minutes."

Short pause.

"OK, you can go in now."

"Thank you."

She went to the door but stopped in the last minute to make sure her heartbeat is under control. The assistant threw her an ironic look and Taylor realized that coming off as a client might not work out so well so she bit the bullet and went in.

He was sitting at his office with a large paper in front of him and a dozen pencils.

"I thought architecture was done through computers nowadays. You know, that there are special programs and everything."

"Computers are good for details. When trying to figure out the general shape, pen and paper is still the best way."

She smiled a forced smile, trying to think of another small talk thing to say but her mind came out blank.

"What do you want, Taylor?"

He wasn't cold, he wasn't cruel, he wasn't angry. He seemed calm and controlled. But he didn't want small talk.

"I feel... I feel like I left out a wrong impression. You left in such a hurry that day at the beach that I had no chance to present you my side of the story."

"Is it different from mine?"

"Yes. Very."

He put the pen down and looked her straight in the eye.

"OK, I'm listening."

"Well here's the thing. You were closer to the truth when you thought that I wasn't bugging you because I knew you, than when you thought I wasn't bugging you because I didn't care. I mean, I'm not saying that I know you, I'm sure Seth and Summer and Sandy and Kirsten, they all know you better than me. But I've known enough men in my life to know that very few men in general actually don't mind being bugged. It's not about you not being talkative, it's simply a guy thing. I've learnt that a long time ago and I've accepted it and I've acted in accordance to it ever since. Honestly, however, I don't like to bug people in general. After years of thinking about this I have come to the conclusion that my mother treated me like a burden and that I have learnt to get out of her way and be there just when she felt like having me there. And this is a pattern of behaviour I have kept in every relationship I have had. I don't like being rejected so I avoid it by staying out of people's way. If people want something from me, they come to me and I give it. But I don't ask for anything and I don't push for friendships and relationships, because that's not worked out very well for me."

"Taylor, you did exactly that with Seth, remember? Pushed for a relationship."

"Yes, because it was the first time I felt I had a chance, because he was so much like me and he understood how I worked, I figured a little pushing wouldn't hurt."

"A little." 

"OK, so here's the thing. I am my mother's daughter. So pushing is in my blood. So once I start I hardly ever stop. However, this is exactly the reason why I usually just don't start! Because I know that if I start thinking that pushing works I'm turning into this annoying creature that went after Seth and nearly broke him and Summer up, and I don't wanna be that. Because had I won then it would have been a bitter victory: I wouldn't have won because Seth liked me better but because I didn't give him any other choice. And as much as I like the idea of winning, I don't like it when someone is with me because there is no choice. So I try, in any way, to let them know that there is a choice. That if they are to be with me, they are to be with me because they want to be with me, not because they have nowhere else to go!"

Tears filled her eyes, which was an unpleasant surprise for her. She had never truly talked about this with someone, although what she was saying was something that had been in her head for ages. Somehow, talking about it hit a sensitive spot (although she wasn't sure which).

"Taylor, what part of my behaviour exactly convinced you that I didn't want to be with you?"

She didn't know what to answer and stared at him dumbly.

"Taylor look at me and listen carefully: I came to you every night for months. And we didn't have sex every night, and I didn't push for sex every night, so it's not like I just came to get laid. Honestly Taylor, if that was all I wanted, there's plenty of options here in Newport - you know the Newpsies yourself, they'd do anything to score with a guy under 30!"

"I'm not saying you were in it just for the sex..."

"So what was I in it for?"

"I don't know, Ryan... All I know is that I acted with you the way I acted with everyone else, and you're the only one who took offense with it. So, no offense or anything, but in this particular scenario, you're the weird one."

"I'm the weird one because I expect it that when I date someone, that someone actually cares about me?"

"Uh..."

"Look, I don't know exactly who you've dated before and what they wanted from you and honestly I don't care. But your notion of relationships is completely screwed up! And trust me, when I tell you that, I who spent years in a relationship with a girl who I tried to save because I couldn't save my own mother - then you are _really_ screwed up."

Was he talking about Marissa?

"What?"

Ryan got up from his desk and went to stare out the window. Taylor decided that since she poured her heart out, she might as well say it all.

"Look, I'm sorry about the wedding. I panicked, OK? I panicked because I knew Marissa was coming."

He turned and watched her as she suddenly started fumbling with her shirt.

"So since Marissa was coming, instead of claiming your territory and coming with me, you decided you'd just leave the coast clear so that in case she has any thoughts about me, she wouldn't know that I was actually seeing someone?"

"I needed you to make your choice based on what you wanted and not on who came with you at the wedding."

"Choice? What choice Taylor? You didn't leave me any choice!!"

He raised his voice so high up that Taylor's heart nearly jumped out of her chest. Now he was angry.

"You talk about giving people a choice, when actually what you're doing is showing them the door! What are you expecting me to do? No self respecting guy would fall at your feet after you did that! No wonder all the guys before me just left!"

She felt like a five year old who was scolded for watching a bad movie. Tears started flowing on her cheek. She saw him suddenly calm down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

"No, I'm sorry. I... I made a mess of it all. I'm just gonna go now."

She didn't give him a chance to say anything else and ran out crying.


	13. Chapter 13

Amazing but true. Veronica had done one good thing in her life when she casually mentioned to Taylor about a small company in Newport looking for employees with project management experience.

Up to that moment, Taylor hadn't known there were any small companies in Newport. For someone living in the villa area it was hard to remember that the city had numbered streets, a public school and even a trailer area. It seemed like a totally different world. But it was there and it wasn't even that far.

Even more amazing, the interviewer (some guy named James) seemed thrilled about her. She didn't know whether he had no experience whatsoever in interviewing people or maybe she was just that good. Or maybe so far he'd only seen idiots. But there it was. It didn't take much thinking for him, he just got up at the end, stretched his hand up to her and told her she's hired. The quickest interview of her life.

It was her first good day in ages. She'd sistematically avoided taking any calls from Summer (and there were some) or going anywhere near where Ryan could go (and that involved quite a lot of areas too) for the entire week that had passed by since she had gone to Ryan's office. It was just something that she had accepted: she blew it. Now it was time to move on. Self pity didn't suit her and she'd done enough of that already.

So now she was walking head held high on the lower streets of Newport, realizing for the first time what a peaceful area it was. There was no view to the sea, but the houses were clean and quiet. And she started wondering whether she could afford a house around this area. She might actually like it...

"Hey Taylor"

It suddenly felt like an episode of Ally McBeal where the music in her head (that she never even noticed playing) suddenly stopped.

"Ryan."

The amazing part was that he was looking friendly. What the hell?

"What are you doing here?"

"I was... looking at the houses actually."

"Really? See any one you like?"

"They're all pretty..." She paused and then pointed to a small white house. "I could live there."

"It's for sale." His smile turned friendlier.

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

For a second she asked him if he'd come from a parallel universe. Then she decided against it. If he was friendly, then maybe she could convince herself that she was forgiven. And if she was forgiven, then maybe she could finally stop feeling so guilty about the way things went down with the two of them.

"Well, I just might look into it. There's only so much of Veronica I can take."

He smiled again. Taylor almost pinched herself.

"So how did you get in the area?"

"I went to an interview actually."

"Really? Anyone I know?"

"Hm, I don't know." She just realized that besides Seth and Summer she had no idea who he knew. "A small advertising company, it's called Mercury..."

"Mercury Advertising? James Horne's company?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"Yeah, I worked with him when he worked for A&D Advertising. He just started the company."

"Yeah, it's really small."

"So how did it go?"

"He hired me. I'm not sure if it was lack of choices but he did."

"Nah, James is a smart guy, he doesn't hire just anyone." He smiled encouragingly and Taylor started feeling butterflies in her stomache. _Moving on might not be working so well in these conditions. But if he's acting like this, why would I want to move on?_

She couldn't help but smile back and they stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds. She started feeling like a teenager again, very similar to the situation a few months before. _Oh dear._

"So, wanna go to lunch?"

"Lunch?"

"Yeah, I know a small restaurant around the corner. Very quiet and cozy."

Her surprise must have shown on her face.

"If you have anything better to do..."

"No" she interrupted him quickly. "No."

"OK. Let's go."

-----

It was a beautiful restaurant - not four stars, not fancy, nothing over the top. But it felt like a family environment, somewhere you'd feel right at home. Taylor loved it from the moment she laid eyes on it.

Ryan was nothing but nice and there were times when she felt like he was old-fashionly courting her. She felt that if she were in the 19th century, where people were not allowed to touch before marriage, this would have been the way a courtship would have went. He was careful not to overstep any boundaries, and yet maintained a somewhat more than friendly smile (borderly flirtatious) and a pleasant conversation.

She didn't want to jump to conclusions and tried hard to see his behaviour as strictly friendly but her heart couldn't stop beating wildly in her chest whenever he looked her in the eye (and he seemed to do that a lot) and she felt the familiar feeling of butterflies all over her body whenever he smiled.

They ate and he offered to drive her home when he learned she still didn't have a car. She accepted although she secretedly wished they'd walked so that they didn't reach their destination so fast.

"So, you're really thinking of moving on the numbered streets?"

"I can't afford anything else - and honestly I like them better. They look more... homey, if you know what I mean."

He smiled.

"Yeah, luxury can be tiresome for me, since I didn't grow up in it. I always feel like I'm gonna break something. What's your excuse?"

"I don't know, but I feel a small house would be more comfortable." 

He parked in front of her house and looked at her expectantly. She couldn't move for some reason and stared back.

"Ryan..."

She needed to know. She couldn't allow herself to hope otherwise.

"I've realized what I did wrong, Taylor." He said calmly. "I left the minute it got rough. Which probably confirmed to your inner person that I was only there for the fun."

She swallowed.

"So I've decided that my actions are never ever going to send that kind of message again."

Her heart almost bursted out of her chest as he gently touched her hand.

"I'm gonna keep coming back until you believe me, Taylor."


	14. Chapter 14

For two weeks Ryan had come and picked her up from work, taken her out then taken her home. It was a really simple procedure and he never tried anything else. She was starting to feel frustrated with that and frustrated with her weakness - she was supposed to appreciate it instead of craving for him, and yet she was craving for him. If their previous attempt at a relationship had been disastrous to say the least, the sex was good and she found herself dreaming of the time she had sex. Something she often scolded herself for.

She helped herself from trying to do anything. If he was going to do this the old fashioned way, she had to let him set the pace. It was gonna come. She just had to be patient. She found out more and more about him every day. Funnily enough, she didn't do that thanks to his talking - although he was doing his best to be more talkative than usual, he was still Ryan. But she started noticing how he liked to eat his food separately - he ordered steak with chips, he'd eat the chips first and then the steak. He always liked to take the shortest way when he went somewhere - even if that wasn't necessarily the fastest way. He often forgot to charge his personal cellphone - he used his work phone so much, there was hardly any need for it. She noticed he was also paying more attention to her than before. He'd open doors, pull chairs, make sure she didn't get wet when it rained. She found herself daydreaming of him in the most peculiar moments - like when a client started talking about his daughter (like she cared) she smiled so beautifully at him, she almost laughed when she realized he had thought that she smiled because of him. She'd work and then she'd realize that she'd been doing the same thing for half an hour. Or she wouldn't work at all - there were times she couldn't concentrate.

Unfortunately work caught up with her at some point. She had a deadline and she had to respect it. Her new workplace was much less demanding than the last one, but even here people had to respect deadlines. And she had to admit that it was her fault if that deadline wasn't respected - it was a pretty loose deadline.

And then she had a meeting that ran much later than usual and she realized she wasn't going to make it back to the office on time and of course the first thing she thought about was Ryan who was waiting for her. But he had rubbed off on her - her personal cellphone wasn't charged. And for some reason she couldn't find her work phone. She rushed as much as she could but at that time of day traffic was a bitch. She was still an hour late and started losing hope that she'd find him there.

She entered her office building and saw Ryan talking to Alexandra - her boss' secretary. They were laughing at something and Taylor stopped dead in her tracks.

From the moment she realized she was starting to feel something for him beyond the 'he was part of that group i never managed to fit in' thing, everything had been about Marissa. He had dated Marissa for so long, she was sure they were some kind of lost soul mates. Destined to return to each other some day. They were perfect together, a match made in heaven, challenging enough to keep it interesting, and yet fitting each other. It had taken her a long time to realize that Ryan did not harbor any longing feelings for Marissa and that he had totally moved on. And it hadn't been Summer's nagging or Ryan's own claims (after all, you can still be hung up on someone and not know it). It was the fact that when they actually did talk, Marissa's name didn't come up. Ever.

She had gone out on occasional dates with guys who were hung up on their ex. While they would never say that out loud, it was obvious from the way they said 'once, me and Betty did that...' and from the way all their significant memories seemed to revolve around one person. Ryan was not that case at all. For the first week she kept waiting for them to talk about Marissa but he never seemed to want to do that. He also didn't seem to make an effort about it - he simply had better things to talk about. And in the end Taylor had finally admitted to herself that she had been totally wrong about that.

It was the first time she had allowed herself to feel a little more secure in her... thing... with Ryan. However, as she looked at Ryan and Alexandra laughing she realized that Marissa was not around but other women were and Ryan was an attractive guy. He seemed to sense her presence cause he turned around a few seconds after she got in.

"There you are!" Alexandra was the one who spoke and Taylor wondered why she was so friendly - they hardly said two words to each other since Taylor was hired. "I spoke to Mr. Mills, he said you forgot your cellphone at his office, I tried calling you..." she said on a perky tone and Taylor suddenly felt the urge to slap her.

"Are you ready to go or do you have anything else to do?" Ryan said, still smiling, and Taylor wondered whether he was smiling at her or at Alexandra. Even though technically his face was turned to her.

"I.. uh... I have a little work to do. I... I think it's gonna be another hour"

"OK, I'll come back then"

"No, there's no need, you've already been here an hour, I wouldn't want to keep you from... your thing"

He frowned then he looked at her a little confused.

"I... uh... I gotta start right away if I'm gonna get anything done"

She started heading towards her office, but Ryan was right on her trail.

"What are you doing?" he whispered in her ear scaring her. She hadn't realized he was that close.

"Uh... working"

"You're doing it again"

"I'm not doing anything"

"You're doing it again, and I'll be damned if I'll let you"

She blinked twice in confusion.

"Ryan"

"I'll be back in an hour. You'd better be ready by then"

Her mouth opened in surprise - he had never talked to her like that.

"And if I'm not"

"Then I'll wait"

"Okay..." She said unsurely.

"Okay what"

"One hour. No more"

His face returned to old Ryan and a wide smile replaced his scowl. "Good. See you then"

And then he kissed her shortly on the lips. It didn't last more than a second, and yet it was their first kiss in a long time and for a moment she couldn't help thinking that he had found an odd time to do that. He gave her a friendly smile:

"See ya"

She smiled back weakly and nodded before going into her office.


	15. Chapter 15

Dinner with Seth and Summer. And Ryan was going to be there. She knew because he had told her. They had talked about this. What they hadn't talked about was how to act about it.

Somehow they had avoided coming out in public up until that time. LA was simple – it was very easy to get lost in the public there and none of their old friends were ever there. And since she'd come back to Newport, Ryan had kept his discreet courtship and somehow they'd avoided the socialite part. Summer knew because she was perceptive. And Taylor didn't mind it – she was someone to talk to when something went wrong. When she needed someone to talk to.

However after yesterday's almost fight (battle against fears, as Ryan had called it when they talked about it this morning), things had precipitated. His kiss had made it impossible for her to keep all that pent-up sexual frustration inside and last night she simply attacked him when he came to pick her up. His surprised freeze reaction turned soon into an extremely heated make-out session, which of course led to a very rushed drive to his place (chosen on the very simple of proximity). Apparently his sexual frustration was also reaching monumental proportions because the first act couldn't be qualified as anything else than a quickie (not that she complained, she was so turned on, a simple look would have set her off) followed almost immediately by a slower and more elaborate second act. After the third time they just looked at each other and laughed – they both knew it was somewhat ridiculous to act like horny teenagers, but somehow his laughter was so sexy that a fourth act just followed after which she just quit thinking and decided that her... thing, with Ryan was something that could not be thought over, could not be planned, and it was just something that had to happen the way it did.

Apparently they had now entered the honeymoon phase. She hadn't slept more than two hours the night before (the later – uhm – acts were followed by minutes of silence after which they'd talk... and then talk would just lead to more and more... acts) and yet she felt very fresh and giddy. This morning she was late – but not because she slept in but rather because they couldn't stop kissing.

And now they were having dinner with Seth and Summer.

She'd thought a dozen times about canceling but after the wedding fight (the first time they had been confronted with the prospect of coming out in public) she decided that if she did anything of the sort, Ryan would take it as another attempt at running on her part – and he was probably right – so if anyone should cancel, it should be him – something she secretly hoped he'd do. But he didn't and she was forced to face Seth and Summer while she and Ryan were in the honeymoon phase.

While Seth was as oblivious as can be, she was pretty sure not even he could miss this one.

Which meant that this was the night she and Ryan were pretty much going public, cause if Seth found out, Kirsten and Sandy were next and of course his co-workers and eventually the whole town.

Argh.

It wasn't that she was ashamed of being seen with Ryan. Actually she was proud that he liked her – for some reason that she couldn't understand. She was pretty sure that everywhere he went he was the best looking guy in the room and she was pretty sure she'd be every woman's envy wherever they went.

Which put her in the spotlight, which was exactly the problem. Everyone from now on will look at her as the one who's not good enough to be with Ryan Atwood. "What has he seen in her?" Newpsies will wonder. And she knew how their minds worked. As soon as he was taken, he became an even greater conquest. And then she'd have to fight for him. And she'd probably lose.

Argh.

She just wished they'd stay in their own little bubble for... well, their entire lives if possible.

---

She didn't pay any attention to what she wore – simply because she didn't care. Seth and Summer were good friends and didn't care about that crap. And Ryan was in the honeymoon phase with her. Which meant he'd do her if she wore a sailor's suit – actually a sailor's suit would probably find a way to turn him on. She laughed at her sudden sense of confidence over his attraction towards her, but the truth was that after last night, at least that part of their relationship could not be doubted. Not that she'd doubted that he wanted her before, but since she was educated to believe that men want anything with legs and boobs, she hadn't been too impressed with that. But after last night she was pretty sure he wanted **her**. He wouldn't have had sex with anyone else the night before. And that made her feel confident and attractive.

She arrived late – something she completely hated. She was the type of person that always arrived on time. But it wasn't her fault – she couldn't find a cab so she just walked for a while (while silently deciding that it would be time for her to buy a car or something – Veronica wouldn't mind giving her money, she had plenty).

When the hostess led her to the table she froze – Sandy and Kirsten were there too. No-one had seen her yet and she had a short moment where she was just about to bolt out there. But Ryan lifted his eyes towards her and the grin on his face was irresistible. Yap, he definitely wanted her, and he was probably going to have her tonight too, judging by the way her insides had just turned to a pile of goo. She wondered how she managed to keep standing and tried hard to wipe off a grin that she was pretty sure was as stupid as possible off her face – unfortunately it just wouldn't go away.

Summer was the next to notice her:

"Taylor, you made it! We were starting to think you'd changed your mind!"

Almost...

She smiled at everyone and sat down at the table.

"Hi Summer, Seth... Mr. and Mrs. Cohen..."

"Oh, Taylor, please, I'm not that old. Sandy..."

"..and Kirsten."

"Sandy... and Kirsten..."

She just smiled at Ryan. She was afraid if she said her name it would come out like a porn movie line and she just didn't want to be that obvious. Her seat was – obviously – right next to his and she could smell his cologne – oh darn, Sandy was saying something.

By the time she had lifted her eyes to Sandy, he had finished what he said and she had a pretty strong feeling he was talking to her. She could feel her cheeks burning.

"Uh-hum..." She just mumbled, hoping it was at least somewhat a good answer to whatever he said.

"Well, I'm glad you don't mind."

Mind what?

She threw a worried at Ryan who seemed to be on the verge of openly laughing, something that annoyed her to no ends. It was his fault this was happening!

"Of course we don't mind Sandy, you know that you were always more of a friend to me than anything else." Summer said.

Mind **what**?

"Well, good."

"Okay, what's going on?" Seth threw a confused look at Taylor and Ryan – Taylor was sure her cheeks were turning purple while Ryan was trying to discretely cover his mouth to keep himself from laughing.

"Yeah, I'm wondering that too..." Kirsten said.

"It must be some sort of inside joke", Summer tried to be helpful.

"Since when do Ryan and Taylor have inside jokes?"

That was it. That was the moment. Right there. The point of no return. Her heart started beating wildly wondering if she could just say that she and Ryan had been sleeping together these last few months and that are possibly on the verge of being more than just sex buddies. She looked at him. He had stopped laughing and was looking at her intently. He obviously expected her to panic and come up with an excuse for what was happening – something that would not reveal their relationship. She wanted to – so bad – but she couldn't repeat Summer's wedding scene. This time they might not make it and that was scarier than anything else.

"Ryan?" Sandy raised his thick eyebrows and Ryan threw one last look at Taylor. Under the table she squeezed his hand and breathed in: this could happen. If he wanted it, that is, and for a moment she realized she'd never thought about that. What if he didn't want it? Good god...

Her fear was taking over until she heard him say the words slowly:

"Actually me and Taylor have been... seeing each other... for the last few months..."

---

"I thought you were going to bolt out of there" he said while slowly taking off her dress.

"I almost did" she chuckled.

She was almost naked in front of him and she liked the feeling she had when he looked at her. He obviously liked what he saw.

"I'm glad you didn't."

He bit his lower lips with a slow move and Taylor felt the need to do the same – bite his lower lip that is.

"You're so beautiful, Taylor..."

Tears sprung in her eyes almost instantly. She'd been told that before, but it always sounded like a line. Like something to get her into bed.

For the first time she believed it. Not that she was beautiful – but that he thought she was beautiful.

He slowly brushed her tears away and smiled.


	16. Chapter 16

Taylor was sent on a business trip.

Considering the fact that she was recently hired and yet chosen to represent the company at a conference, she should be through the roof. It was a show of appreciation. Unfortunately she didn't see it that way. She saw it as three days away from Ryan.

Miami was not a bad place, actually it could be very fun in certain circumstances (although Taylor was not exactly the most ardent party girl on the planet) but to Taylor it seemed very dull. The really sad part was that Ryan was going with the Cohens to their mountain cabin (a recent aquisition of Sandy's who had decided that Sophie should learn about quiet nature). Unfortunately the Cohens had decided upon this trip after Taylor's boss had made her the great honour of choosing her to be the company representative. During their heated make-out session the night before, Ryan asked a few times if there was any way Taylor could get out of it and come with him. She was extremely tempted to say yes, however, her practical side eventually won. It would not look good with her boss. So they regretfully parted in the morning. And while on the plane, and in the hotel and during the first part of the conference, Taylor could not concentrate on anything but Ryan. Their honeymoon phase was by no means over, although they had slowed down a little - for exhaustion reasons (Three unslept nights in a row might be acceptable at their age, but on the fourth one they both just collapsed on the bed and fell asleep).

She had received a call from him right after she landed in Miami. He just wanted to see if the plane made it alright (apparently he'd been worried due to an increase in air crashes that he'd noticed lately). She was touched, although his mention of air crashes did give her a chilling feeling (since she had the annoying habit of watching Air Crash Investigations which had the bad habit of showing her how small things could start big disasters). Then he called again around twenty minutes later asking if she checked in alright and inquiring about the hotel she was living in. She said it was alright and then he asked what it was called - maybe it was the one where he'd stayed with Seth when they had come to Miami to see Nana. Apparently it wasn't.

A third call followed thirty minutes later - Ryan seemed on the run when he talked. He justified that sensation by saying that Sandy had dragged him and Seth on a walk on a steep field, just to show them a nice view on the other side of the mountain. Taylor wondered for a second where exactly the cabin was - and how they made it so fast since she knew that Seth was not capable of waking up too early in the morning but she let it pass. This time Ryan cut it a little short, saying he wasn't sure of his cell phone range in the area.

By the next half hour she started to expect another phone call and was rather disappointed when it didn't come in. She was already in the conference, boring people were saying extremely boring things that she couldn't possibly focus on and kept on staring at her phone. On one hand she knew there was no way she should answer - since she was in the middle of the conference and all - and that she shouldn't want Ryan to call, since she obviously should basically shut the phone in his face. On the other hand, she kept on staring at it. After about two hours she decided he knew she was in a conference and had decided not to bother her. The thought made her smile and blush, thinking of how sweet and considering Ryan always was. Which of course led to another session of daydreaming.

There was a lunch break an hour later. Taylor went straight to the outside of the conference room and dialed Ryan's number. Funnily enough, though, he seemed to be out of range. Apparently he was right earlier that the cabin was in an area that didn't have a very good signal. Maybe that's why he hadn't called her. She sighed and went in to eat.

---

Summer called a few hours later to ask how everything was going. Taylor welcomed the call, since she was bored out of her minds.

"I take it they sent you to Miami for nothing."

"Well, maybe not for nothing. I'm supposed to be here to network, more than to pay attention to these idiots. After all, we are a small company, we have just started and I suppose we need exposure. And I can do networking, that's one of the few things Veronica taught me."

"Well, then it shouldn't be so bad. Any parties?"

"If by parties you mean boring cocktail parties, then yes. That will be my opportunity to network."

"Cool"

"So, how is everyone? Having fun?"

"Yeah, we just got here and it's heavenly. I know Sandy and the boys have been here before, but for me it's the first time and it's just beautiful. You'll have to come here sometimes."

What does she mean "just got here"? Ryan had called her five hours before mentioning that he was already there! That stopped her in her tracks.

"Taylor? Are you still there?"

"Yeah. Do you have a mobile phone signal at the cabin?"

"Yeah, I'm right in front of it right now."

"That's odd. I tried to call Ryan a few hours ago and he was out of range. I assumed you all were."

A small pause at the other end of the line. Taylor got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Well, Ryan's in another network, you know that. Maybe his is not so strong."

Yeah, that could be. But that still couldn't explain the fact that he'd told her that he was at the cabin five hours earlier than the others.

"Right..."

"Don't freak out, ok?"

"What?"

"I can feel you freaking out. I promise you, it's all good."

That was basically an admission from Summer that something was happening. But 'it's all good.

Taylor spent the next hours wondering what 'it' was, while the conference got more and more boring.

---

She arrived back at the hotel around seven in the evening. Thankfully, the organizers had recognized the need for a break on the first day and had placed the cocktail on the second day - which meant that the rest of the day was hers to deal with as she chose. She just wanted to go to bed - since she basically hadn't slept at all the night before (she spent as much time as she could with Ryan before leaving and then she had to take the plane - and sleeping on the plane was practically impossible for her). Not to mention that the whole jet lag thing was killing her (even if technically it wasn't that big a difference between Miami and Newport).

The lady at the reception smiled warmly at her and she struggled to form at least the resemblance of a smile on her tired face. She was pretty sure she failed miserably, though.

The road to the elevator had never seemed longer. Luckily her hotel room was close to the elevator and then a warm and welcoming bed was waiting for her. She could actually imagine herself collapsing into it.

As she got out of the elevator she wondered what surprise Ryan had for her when she got back home. It wasn't anybody's birthday, but she was pretty sure that was the reason for Summer's statement. Had it not been a surprise, Summer would have told her exactly what 'it' was. But she obviously wasn't supposed to know, and she smiled at her giddy feeling.

But after two steps she realized she had totally underestimated Ryan's capacity to surprise her. Because he was right there in front of her door. And the moment strangely reminded her of that time she had found him at her apartment door in LA. His stare was as intense and her heart beat just as wildly.

"I missed you." he said in a quiet voice and she forgot all about exhaustion and jet lag as she jumped in his arms.


	17. Chapter 17

It was unbelievable. Taylor Townsend, for the first time in her life understood all the stupid love songs anyone had ever written.

It was the middle of the night in Miami and she woke up with Ryan's arms around her. The room was dark and yet Taylor could see everything. She could feel everything.

They had talked for a few hours. They were both too tired physically to try anything other than cuddling and talking. But amazingly their talk had gone to some serious topics that Taylor had never approached around other guys. They had discussed children.

Oh the horror! Taylor felt herself blushing. She had discussed children with a man. It was then that she shared with him that when she was a teenager she dreamt about having children. When she pictured herself after 30 she always saw children – although she had a hard time picturing a husband. But she saw children. She had interpreted that in a most original way: she had decided that if by 30 she wasn't going to find the father of her children, she'd get herself artificially inseminated. And tonight she told Ryan about that.

She had no idea why and how they had managed to get to discuss this but he seemed to take her decision quite seriously. He did not make fun of her. He did not panic. He just accepted what she said. And then he added quietly that he'd like children one day too. Oh dear god.

Taylor silently laughed in the dark at the ridiculousness of the situation. Two months of sleeping together, three weeks of platonic courtship and two weeks of sleeping together again. Not exactly the promise of a lifetime relationship. And yet that was what they were discussing between the lines. Or at least that's what she felt like they were discussing. And a giddy feeling stopped her from sleeping.

Ryan's arm tightened around her and she stopped short.

"Hey" he mumbled. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I don't know". She didn't think she should attract attention on the fact that they were discussing life-altering facts.

She felt him smile behind her.

"OK... but is it good or bad?"

The giddy feeling returned in full force.

"Oh, it's good."

"Good"

He kissed her shoulder tenderly and the simpleness of the gesture reduced her to tears. Literally. She tried to stop but couldn't and she suddenly started crying. She felt like slapping herself silly – what was wrong with her?

She wasn't sad, depressed or any other negative feeling that could cause this. And still she cried like someone had just died.

"Are you OK?" he whispered.

"Yeah, just give me a second. I don't know what's gotten into me" She tried breathing in and out evenly but the tears just wouldn't stop.

He turned her to face him and caressed her face:

"It's alright."

"No, it's not. I mean, you must think I'm crazy. Hell, I think I'm crazy."

"Why? Because you suddenly realized you might not have to get yourself artificially inseminated?"

Her eyes widened at the meaning of his words.

"Ryan..."

"Shhh." He placed a finger on her lips.

He couldn't possibly be thinking of **that** already?! They were just...

Well at least that had stopped her pathetic cry.

He held her for a few seconds while she tried to process what was happening. Good God, she was in love with him.

A wave of calm surrounded her after this. She was in love with him. She turned to look at him and he smiled lazily, obviously still a little sleepy. Taylor raised her hand and touched his face. She was in love with him.

There was no going back now.

The phone rang in that particular moment. What the hell? Don't people sleep?

She noticed with a surprise that it was her father. She had kept a little in touch with him once she had moved to LA – cause he was there and it was the polite thing to do. He seemed a bit shy about her and everything, but he also seemed to want her company. They talked about a few times a month – but never stuff of significance. He had no idea what was really going on in her life, although he knew that she had recently gotten a new job and that she had moved back to Newport.

Why was he calling her now?

She looked at Ryan confused and he shrugged:

"It's only 9PM in LA."

Makes sense.

She answered hesitantly:

"Hi, dad."

"Hey Taylor. Just wanted to check that everything is OK."

The statement confused her. He usually called for a reason – albeit occasionally a stupid one, but a reason nevertheless. Like two weeks ago when he had called to tell her about the basketball championship final. She wasn't very interested but he seemed to want to talk about it so she indulged him.

"Yeah, everything is alright. I'm in Miami right now, at a conference."

"Ah, yes, you mentioned something. I didn't know it was this week-end."

"Yes, it started today."

"Oh. You sound tired."

"Yeah, it was kinda boring."

"Well, OK. I just... just wanted to make sure you were OK."

"I'm fine, dad, thanx for asking."

"Anytime, Taylor. I mean... if you feel, you want to talk..."

"Thank you, dad."

She shut the phone and looked at Ryan who had a small smile on his face.

"That was weird."

"Why?" he asked.

"Dad never calls me to asks me just how I'm doing. I mean, yeah, that's what he ultimately wants to know, but there's always a small reason, like the basketball final or his new project or something like that. And now he just... he just called."

Ryan looked at her deep in thought:

"You think he felt something?"

"Something like what?"

"Something like... earlier." He seemed to have a hard time putting it in words but Taylor knew what he was referring to.

They had acknowledged that they were having a relationship. A serious one. One that was going somewhere. One that might prevent her from getting artificially inseminated when she was 30. And Ryan had just pointed it out again.

"I don't know" she said, amazed at his calmness. He was OK with this. They were going somewhere and he was OK with pointing that out.

"Will you go to bed now? I feel like I could sleep for days" he yawned.

"Yeah, OK" she said and he held her again. Two minutes later his soft snores let her know he was asleep and she was giddy again.

She was in love with him. God help her now.

---

Those were three wonderful days. Despite spending most of the time in conference, while Ryan was doing God knows what, those were three wonderful days. They went to the cocktail party and Taylor felt herself wonderfully confident with Ryan at her side. She knew she was going out with the best looking guy in the room and she could feel the envious looks of the other women. Ryan laughed it off but she knew it. And the giddiness followed her everywhere she went.

They came back in a wonderful mood. Ryan offered to take her home. Home being at Veronica's still, because the white house she had originally seen sold before she could put in an offer and she was currently looking for something else. Veronica was hardly ever there anyway – too many spas, cocktail parties and yoga classes to attend. Greg followed her around everywhere, and Taylor sometimes thought there were some real feelings involved – on his part anyway, cause Veronica was completely unable to feel anything. But the simple fact that she hadn't bored of him following around meant something.

Taylor and Ryan entered the house laughing.

"Oh there you are" Veronica came out of the living room and threw a pointed look at her, only to move on to Ryan.

Oh, well, if they weren't out in the open before, they definitely were now. Veronica was nothing if not indiscreet.

"Hey mum. You remember Ryan."

For a second she thought she saw an impressed look in her mother's eyes. But it went away quickly.

"Yes, I remember him. Former neighbourhood convict turned neighbourhood loner. Should fit you quite fine."

That was the most approving reaction Taylor could hope for. She turned to Ryan, to see whether he perceived it the same. He chuckled:

"Mrs. Townsend..."

"Actually it's Jameson now, but Townsend seems to be what most people want to address me."

"Mrs. Jameson. Nice seeing you again."

"Yes."

The three of them stood awkwardly looking at each other.

"...but I assume you're not here to see me. Go on, now. No need to be more polite than necessary" Veronica turned around and went back to the living room.

Ryan and Taylor looked at each other in awe and then went upstairs.

"You're going to laugh but I think she approves of you!"

They both laughed.


	18. Chapter 18

"So basically, in those weeks you spent keeping away from touching me, I was really frustrated", a very drunk Taylor giggled.

"You're telling me..." Ryan grumbled.

"What do you mean? You were so cool and calm... You're always so cool and calm while I just... I don't know, I mean from that time we met with Seth and Summer at the diner... I felt like a highschool girl whenever I was near you. I swear I forgot how to think!" Taylor threw her hands in the air while Ryan grinned.

"Well, you know... When Seth told me that Summer was meeting with you, I kinda ambushed him into joining you... He didn't make the connection until a few weeks ago."

"Yeah, Summer mentioned that."

"You asked Summer about me?"

"Well, she kinda figured it out at the wedding cause apparently you don't dance but you danced with me and..."

Ryan grinned some more:

"It was one way to be close to you. I kept trying to touch you cause everytime I did I felt that..."

"...jolt...?"

They stared at each other grinning and Taylor internally cheered Ryan's talkative mood. Sure, the large amounts of alcohol influenced what was going on but they were finally actually talking, all on the table, without having to interpret small gestures and words.

"Yeah, that jolt... It's funny how those six months that went between LA and Newport... I had these dreams... and then the wedding, and the dancing, and then LA again, and then I couldn't stop myself, I mean I kept telling myself that it's insane but I couldn't stop myself every single night... and then Seth's wedding and I was so angry at you and I got like the drunkest I ever did... and I still couldn't stop those dreams, and I hated them and loved them at the same time..."

"What dreams?"

"Well, you know, not necessarily dreams, but maybe more of daydreams cause one minute I'm working and then everything turns dark and you're there in a white see-through dress and you're dancing and washing the window and there's Def Leppard playing and stuff like that and... ugh..." Ryan blushed and grinned at the same time while Taylor got up and went towards the bathroom as fast as her inebriated condition allowed.

"Sorry" Ryan suddenly rushed towards her "Maybe I should have left that in my head."

"Are you kidding? That's like gold!" Taylor grinned. "Wait up there!"

A minute later she turned up wearing just one of his shirts buttoned in just one spot, a sponge and a bucket.

"What are you doing?" Ryan gulped and looked at her with a confused look.

"Well, I don't have a white see-through dress with me but I'm guessing this should do"

She could hear his breath stopping for a second and she grinned to herself as the soap started slowly flowing on the window.

"Would you like to turn on some Def Leppard?" She threw him a wink.

"I... uh... don't think that will be necessary..."

Well, that was the promise of some good sex.

"Taylor?"

"Ryan..."

"You remember that time, before Summer's wedding, when you totally panicked because I wanted to ask you to come with me?"

"Err... yeah..."

"So... umm... how much have you changed till then?"

"Well if you want me to come to a wedding with you, I could do that... I promise I won't panic..."

He turned towards her and she couldn't help but grin at his handsome face and morning hair.

"Well... you know... I was wondering... cause you know... I kinda remember when we met then after you got the job that you mentioned you wanted to move out... and you know, you're sleeping here every night anyway so..."

"Ryan..."

"Taylor..."

"Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Well, you know, that depends... will that mean another few weeks of you freaking out and us not having sex?"

Taylor couldn't help but laugh.

"Well... I don't think that would be good for me..."

"Cool cause that wouldn't be good for me either."

"Well... Okay... so are you asking?"

"Are you saying yes?"

"Well... you know, I do sleep here every night anyway..."

"Right..."

"And you know, I mean, it's kinda annoying that I have to get up an hour later to go to my mother's and change my clothes"

"Yeah, that's a bit of a bummer since you're kinda waking me up too..."

"So then there's also the fact that I really hate my mother"

"Yeah, then there's that..."

"I suppose your apartment is a valid option..."

Ryan smiled and she blushed.

"I mean if you insist, I could do it, you know... for you..."

"Yeah... you could..."

Long pause.

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes. Squared. In caps. And, you know exclamation point... and stuff."

"And stuff..."

"So, Marissa's gonna be there..."

"Is that gonna be a problem for you?"

"No, not really... no... not really...?"

She tried to get busy with dishes, even if the dishwasher was available.

"Taylor?"

"Ryan..."

"I kinda... I'm not good with words..."

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I mean, I understand, she's Summer's best friend and she just happens to be your ex-girlfriend..."

"I love you."

Her heart stopped and she turned towards him.

"Yeah, Marissa was my girlfriend, and I loved her for everything I thought she was and everything I thought she could be... and now I care for her as a friend and I wouldn't want to ruin that. But I love you. I feel... whatever was before feels so far away and so different, it's like I was a different person. So, really, I just... if you don't want to go, we won't go."

"I... I..."

"Are you freaking out?"

"I... uh... no... no..." tears came up again. "I'm sorry, I can't stop."

"Are those good or bad?"

"I love you too."

"Well, good."

"Yeah. Good. I need to... you know... wash these... they're like filthy..." She turned back to the dishes.

She felt his arms around her and let herself lean towards him. He might not be good with words but he was still good with silent communication. Who needs words when that hug tells you all you need to know?

"I'm sorry about freaking out... I just, I'm not as pretty as her, and I'm just..."

"You're beautiful, Taylor."

"I know, I know you think that, and I thank you for thinking that. I just, I keep waiting for someone to come and tell you 'Dude, you went out with Marissa Cooper, what are you doing with her?'... You know?"

"Marissa Cooper is a good friend but our relationship was self-destructive and unhealthy. You can even tell her I said that because that's why we broke up. We both realized that we were killing each other. She's in a relationship with some Greek dude, they've been together for years now and I'm pretty sure she's happier than she's ever been with me. And I'm with you... and I'm happy... and..."

"OK, we can go..."

"That wasn't the point."

"No, we're definitely going now. If only for me to feel good about myself. You know, that I make you happy... and stuff..."

Marissa came after her at the ladies' room, which was a surprise. She almost expected a bitch slap but Marissa smiled at her:

"Hey."

"Hi."

"So, I just wanted to, you know, talk to you... without Ryan there..."

"OK..."

"I know we didn't really get along in highschool and you two going out surprised me a lot, but I just wanted to thank you and..."

"Thank me?"

"Yeah, I mean, Ryan... I'm sure I would've died or ended up crazy or in rehab without him... and he did a lot for me... and I always felt guilty about him never actually being happy... I always felt like he was doing it because he didn't want to feel guilty about letting me go and you know, letting me die or get drunk or overdose or stuff like that... I felt like I didn't let him be happy... and you make him happy."

Taylor blinked.

"I just wanted you to know that."

Taylor blinked again.

"I love Giorgios but hadn't it been for Ryan, we might have never met. As I said, I might have been dead. So i'm just happy to be alive and tour the world and everything... And this is the life I want. And what Ryan's got... I could never give him that, and that's the life he wants. So just thank you..."

Well that's weird.

"Well, thank you, Marissa, that's very nice of you to say that."

"Yeah... I just... I felt you were a little uncomfortable, which I can relate to cause Giorgios used to date Shana who now dates my dad and I keep wondering all the time if when we all go out together, if like they're gonna hook up or something... I know the ex-girlfriend factor can be quite uncomfortable and I appreciate you being here and allowing us to be friends again."

"Well, I don't know Shana but Giorgios looks very in love with you so I don't think you need to worry about that."

"Yeah, and Ryan looks very in love with you."

Taylor tried to stop the blushing but her face had a mind of its own.

"I mean, I hear he dances now. He must be really crazy for you to dance."

They both laughed.

"Yeah, well, it's nice of him to try, but he's not exactly good at it, so I try to avoid it."

As they returned to the table, Ryan lifted an eyebrow at her and she just smiled. He winked at her and placed his hand on her knee, squeezing it reassuringly.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Leaving notes is not something I usually do, but since this is going to be the last chapter, I just wanted to say good bye to everyone who's been reading this (whether they started from the beginning or joined later). I know it's taking me ages to update (the advantages of having a life :P) and I apologize because I know myself how frustrating it is to read a chapter once in a couple of months on the other hand this is a personal story, inspired partly by my own personal experience and I wanted to get it right. If anyone wonders whether there's guys out there that act like Ryan did in this story the answer is yes. I hope I managed to make everyone understand why both Taylor and Ryan acted the way they did. I could have continued this with a bit more drama but I thought the story had enough of it so I just decided to end it. Thank you guys for reading (a special thanks to Lori who constantly bugged me to update this story hope you're still reading this), thank you for still being remotely interested in Ryan and Taylor (I thought they were one of the best couples ever we definitely did not get enough screen time with them) and please enjoy the epilogue.**

Epilogue:

Taylor was one lucky woman. She didn't know exactly what she had done to deserve it, but she now had the life she always wanted. She wasn't a successful business woman in fact she had one of the least impressive resumes of her class colleagues at the 10 year meeting but she was happy. She had always been afraid that it would be the other way around.

It had been three years since that life-changing handshake with Ryan. The timeline was strange six months of no contact, two months of seeing each other in LA, a few weeks break then three months again in Newport, then moving together. Considering that people noticed they were together quite late in the game, everyone was surprised at how fast they moved forward. Ryan had surprised her about two months after moving in together by celebrating their anniversary a year since the 'handshake incident' as she stubbornly called it. That remained their anniversary ever since.

She still adored him and it only grew stronger with time. They would occasionally take time to walk to work together (their offices were in similar directions) and simply holding his hand on a busy street made her happy. She sometimes wondered if strangers walking down the street questioned her sanity for smiling like an idiot for no apparent reason. After he fell asleep she spent lots of nights watching him breathing peacefully. He seemed so different from the Ryan Atwood of high school days and even former colleagues had noticed that at their meeting.

Luke had showed up at their doorstep one morning muttering 的 had to see this for myself: Atwood dating Dorksend Although in high school that nickname had annoyed her a lot, especially from his lips, this time it was mentioned in a rather friendly teasing manner and she had simply laughed at the comment. After the first initial wave of surprise, most people admitted that they made sense and looked good together with the exception of some gossiping Newpsies who she was sure would not have been pleased with any happy coupling in Newport, it was too much of an unusual occurrence.

She was constantly being asked whether they were getting married the answer was that she didn't know. She wasn't very preoccupied with it, she was pretty sure they were both in it for life and she didn't think a piece of paper would change that. They still had two years until their 30 year deadline that they had both set for having children and that was also pretty much set in stone, so she was happy to leave it at that. Although she knew she would say yes if asked, even in a casual manner.

Amazingly enough, even Veronica had finally become less annoying. She seemed to like Ryan, although she never admitted it to anybody's face. The Greg-Veronica marriage had not fallen apart either, which might also have been a part of the explanation for Veronica's decreasing bitchiness. Or maybe she was just getting old – she was past 50 now, Taylor felt like that's a good age to finally grow up.

And most importantly, the core four had become the core six. Marissa and Giorgio popped in once a couple of months. They had gotten married in quite a lavish ceremony about a year before. Seth and Summer had just welcomed a little daughter that seemed to take after her mother quite a lot (Seth commented about delaying any kind of peace until his death, but he seemed happy with that thought he definitely adored his little girl). They all met up constantly and wrote each other e-mails when telephones were too weird or too late in the night.

Taylor finally felt like she belonged somewhere. And, now that she had it, she realized that that was what she had wanted all her life. She found it ironic that she'd struggled so hard for academic excellency, for taking part in social events and now she didn't give a rat's ass about any of them. Her life was totally unconventional and she who had tried to follow all the society conventions from the time she started controlling her actions realized that that was what suited her best. Neither Ryan nor her were socialites they enjoyed their small circle of friends, an occasional pizza out at the nearby restaurant and quiet evenings in. It sounded so boring and yet it was so perfect she wouldn't have changed a thing,

So, as she was staring at her former classmates at their 10 year old-meeting, discreetly holding Ryan's hand under the table, she decided to thank whatever divinity was controlling the universe (call it God, Karma, or whatever else you may want) for her luck. People were constantly asking her where she is, what she is doing, where she works (most of them with an obvious desire to impress with their own answers to those questions) and she answered simply: 的'm fine, I'm alive."

- The End -

**A/N part 2: I noticed from the reviews I got that a lot of you expected a proposal in the story. I didn't do it out of two reasons: one, I think both Ryan and Taylor are rather unconventional and not particularly attached to social norms (just like in the story, I felt while watching the OC that Taylor was constantly trying to be what other people expected her to be, without genuinely agreeing with their expectations of her and what she should be doing and Ryan, I think, is an obvious case of nonconformist) and two, because I can't picture Ryan being romantic in the way romanticism is being perceived nowadays roses, candlelight dinner and public proposals. Frankly, if I was going to put that in here it would have been pretty much in the same fashion as the move-in suggestion (something in the lines of 'hey, wanna get married today?'), but I think this ending suited them better. I'm sorry if that causes any disappointments but, hey, it's my story :P.**

**Cheers!**


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